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“I’m glad you’re putting an end to it,” she declared fiercely. “I never wanted it to happen in the first place. I want to forget all of this and go back to the way things were before I walked into your office.”
“I don’t. I was lonely as hell.” He stood in front of her, but he didn’t touch her. “Suzy, you’ve been a widow for four years. Tell me why we can’t be together. Do you still hate me so much?”
Her anger faded. Slowly, she shook her head. “I don’t hate you at all.”
“I never intended to move Rosatech; you know that, don’t you? I’m the one who started the rumor. I was like a little kid. I wanted to strike back at the town for the way they’d treated my mother all those years ago. She was a sixteen-year-old kid, Suzy, and she was brutally raped by three men, but she was the one punished. Still, I never intended for you to get caught in the path, and I won’t forgive myself for that.”
She turned her face away, silently begging him not to say any more, but he wouldn’t stop.
“That afternoon when you came into my office, I took one look at you and felt like a kid from the wrong side of the tracks all over again.”
“And you punished me for it.”
“I didn’t mean to. It never entered my head to blackmail you into sleeping with me—surely you know that by now—but you looked so beautiful that night you walked into my bedroom, and I wanted you so much that I couldn’t let you go.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “You forced me! It wasn’t my fault! You made me give in to you!” Even to her own ears, her words sounded like those of a small child unwilling to take responsibility for her own actions and blaming everyone around her.
He regarded her with eyes so old and sad she wanted to weep. When he spoke, his voice was a hoarse rasp, full of pain. “That’s right, Suzy. I forced you. It was my fault. Only mine.”
She willed herself to keep silent and let it end there, but her innate sense of honor rebelled. This was her sin far more than it was his. Turning away, she murmured, “No, it wasn’t. All I had to do was say no.”
“It had been a long time for you. You’re a passionate woman, and I took advantage of that.”
“Please don’t lie for me; I’ve done enough of that for myself.” She took a ragged breath. “You didn’t force me. I could have walked away any time I chose.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because . . . It felt so good.”
He touched her. “You know, don’t you, that I fell in love with you that night? Or maybe it happened thirty years ago, and I never got over it.”
She pressed her fingertips to his lips. “Don’t say that. It’s not true.”
“I fell in love with you, Suzy, even though I know I can never compete with Hoyt.”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with competition. He was my life. We married for always. And when I’m with you, I’m betraying him.”
“That’s crazy. You’re a widow, and in this country women don’t throw themselves on their dead husband’s funeral pyre.”
“He was my life,” she repeated, not knowing how else to express it. “There could never be anybody else.”
“Suzy—”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry, Way. I never meant to hurt you. I—I care too much about you.
He couldn’t quite conceal his bitterness. “Apparently not enough to throw off your widow’s weeds and start living again.”
She saw the pain she was causing him and felt as if it were piercing her own body. “You saw how Bobby Tom reacted tonight. I wanted to die.”
He looked as if she’d slapped him. “Then there’s nothing more to be said, is
there? I won’t cause you shame.”
“Way—”
“Get your things packed. I’ll have a car waiting for you downstairs.” Without giving her a chance to respond, he walked out of the apartment.
She fled to the guest room, where she’d stayed ever since that first night, and threw her clothes into a suitcase. As tears trickled down her cheeks, she told herself her nightmare was over. Eventually she would learn to forgive herself for what had happened and go on with the rest of her life. From now on she’d be safe.
