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She wanted what he'd given Cherry and Jamie, but it would be cruel to say that. And what was the point? He already understood: "Nothing more than you've already given me."
But he wouldn't be put off. "I can take care of you. Once we're married, you won't have to worry about where your next meal's coming from or what'll happen if you get sick." He paused. "You'll have security for Edward."
That wasn't fair. He knew she'd sell her soul for her son, and she fought back tears. At the same time she realized this was something they finally had to talk about. "You have to know that's the biggest reason I can't do this. There are different kinds of security. Spending his childhood with a man who dislikes him is worse for Edward than poverty." There. It was finally out in the open.
"I don't dislike him." But he wouldn't meet her eyes, and his voice lacked conviction.
"I'm being honest with you. Do the same for me."
With his back to her, he moved toward the aviary. "It's just going to take a little time, that's all. You want everything to happen instantly."
"You dislike him as much now as the day you first saw him." Her resentment bubbled over. "And it's so unfair. He can't help the fact that he's not Jamie."
He whirled around. "Don't you think I haven't told myself that a thousand times?" He drew a ragged breath, struggling for control. "Look, just give it some time and it'll work out. I know I've taken you by surprise, but once you think it over, you'll realize our getting married is the best thing."
She wanted to curl up in some dark corner and howl. Instead, she forced herself to stay where she was and finish this. "I'm not going to change my mind. I won't marry you. Kristy already called her parents, and they're going to send me two bus tickets. I'll work next weekend, and then Edward and I are leaving for Florida."
"No!"
Both of them jumped as Edward came running around the corner of the house, tears streaming down his face.
The bottom dropped out of her stomach. What had she done? She'd planned to break the news gently, not like this.
Chapter Twenty
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"I don't want to go to Flor'da!" Tears streamed down Edward's flushed cheeks. He flailed his arms and stomped his feet. "We're going to stay here! We're not going! We're staying here!"
"Oh, sweetheart." She rushed to him and tried to put her arms around him, but he batted them away. For the first time since he'd been a toddler, he was caught in the throes of a full-fledged temper tantrum.
"We live here!" he screamed. "We live right here, and I'm not going!" He whirled toward Gabe. "This is all your fault! I hate you!"
Once again, she tried to embrace him. "Sweetheart, let me explain. Settle down so we can talk about this."
He sprang away and hurled himself at Gabe, hitting him in the knees. "This is your fault! You're making us go!"
Gabe regained his balance and caught Edward by the shoulders. "No! I don't want you to go! I'm not making you go."
Edward punched the side of his leg. "Yes, you are!"
Gabe caught his fists. "Calm down, Chip, and let your mother talk."
But Edward wouldn't be appeased. Once again he began to stomp his feet. "You hate me, and I know why!"
"I don't hate you."
"Yes, you do! You hate me because I'm not strong."
"Chip…" Gabe regarded Rachel helplessly, but she didn't know what to do any more than he did.
Edward jerked away and flew to Rachel's side. No longer yelling, he gulped for air between sobs. "Don't you… marry him, Mommy. You marry… Pastor Ethan!"
She squatted next to him, appalled that he'd overheard that part of their conversation. "Oh, Edward, I'm not going to marry anyone."
"Yes! Marry… Pastor Ethan. Then we… we can stay here."
"Pastor Ethan doesn't want to marry me, baby."
