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The child rubbed his elbow, even though it wasn't his elbow that hurt. He tilted his head to one side and caught his bottom lip between his teeth. It quivered. He didn't look at Gabe. He didn't look at anything. He just tried not to cry.
And in that moment Gabe finally saw the child as himself, instead of as a reflection of Jamie. He saw a brave little boy with flyaway brown hair, knobby elbows, and a small, quivering mouth. A gentle little boy who loved books and building things. A child who found contentment not in expensive toys or the latest video games, but in watching a baby sparrow grow stronger, in collecting pinecones and living with his mother on Heartache Mountain, in being carried around on a man's shoulders and pretending, if only for a moment, that he had a father.
How could he ever have mixed up Chip and Jamie in his mind, even for a moment? Jamie had been Jamie, uniquely his own person. And so was this vulnerable little boy he'd struck.
"Chip…"
The boy backed away.
"Chip, I lost my temper. I was mad at myself, and I took it out on you. It was wrong, and I want you to forgive me."
"Okay," Chip muttered, not forgiving him at all, just wanting to get away.
Gabe dropped his head and stared at the ground, but it was blurred. "I haven't hit anybody since I was a kid."
He and Cal used to beat up on Ethan. Not because Ethan had done anything, but because both of them had sensed he wasn't as tough as they were, and they'd been afraid for him. None of them had realized Gabe would prove to be the weakling.
"I promise…" He pushed the words out past the boulders in his throat. "I won't ever hit you again."
Chip backed away. "Me and my mommy are going to Flor'da. You don't have to pretend no more." With a muffled hiccup, he ran toward the house, leaving Gabe more alone than he'd ever been in his life.
Rachel locked the doors to Kristy's condo and put the spare keys in her purse, along with the bus tickets Kristy had left for her yesterday on the kitchen table before she and Ethan had taken off for their conference. As Rachel drove back to Heartache Mountain, she found herself memorizing every bend in the road, every grove of trees and patch of wildflowers. It was already Saturday, and she planned to leave Salvation on Monday. Staying any longer was simply too painful.
If she were going to move forward with her life, she knew she'd have to train herself to focus on the positive. After all, she wasn't leaving Salvation empty-handed. Edward was healthy again. She had Kristy's friendship. And for the rest of her life she'd have the memory of a man who had been almost wonderful.
Gabe was waiting for her on the front porch. She parked the Escort in the garage, and as she walked toward him, every limb of her body dragged with regret. If only it could have been different.
He sat on the top step, elbows balanced on splayed knees, his wrists hanging between them. He looked as dejected as she felt. "I have to talk to you," he said.
"What about?"
"About Chip." He looked up. "I hit him."
Her heart jumped into her throat. She flew up the steps, but he caught her before she reached the screen door.
"He's all right. I—I smacked him on the rump. I didn't hit him hard."
"And you think that makes it all right?"
"Of course not. He didn't do anything to deserve being hit. I never—I've never struck a child. It—" He stepped back from her, thrust his hand through his hair. "God, Rachel, I just lost it, and it happened. I told him I was sorry. I told him he hadn't done anything wrong. But he doesn't understand. How could he understand something like this?"
She stared at him. She'd been so wrong. Despite all the warning signs, she'd somehow convinced herself that Gabe wouldn't hurt Edward. But he had, and the fact that she should never have left them alone together made her the worst mother in the world.
She turned away and headed into the house. "Edward!"
He came out of the back hallway, looking small and anxious. She forced herself to smile at him. "Pack up, pardner. We're going to spend the next few nights at Kristy's. I'm even getting a sitter to stay with you so you don't have to go to the drive-in tonight."
She heard the screen door shut behind her and knew by the wary expression in Edward's eyes that Gabe had come in.
"Are we going to Flor'da now?" Edward asked.
"Soon. Not today."
Gabe came forward. "I told your mom what happened, Chip. She's pretty upset with me."
Why couldn't he just go away? Didn't he understand there was nothing he could say that would make this all right? Her hand trembled as she touched Edward's cheek. "No one has the right to hit you."
"Your mom's right."
