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She loved him. It wasn’t infatuation at all. And the knowledge of her love hadn’t come as a gentle unfolding, the way she’d always imagined it, but as a life-shattering cataclysm. It was so inappropriate. So impractical. So horribly, exceedingly painful.
“Something wrong?”
“Wrong? N-no. No, not at all. Of course not. How did your interview go?” She hoped he didn’t noticed her hands tremble as she finally found the corkscrew and tried to insert it into the bottle of wine he’d chosen earlier.
He took it from her. “I got through it without punching him, so I guess it went okay.” He turned the corkscrew and once again cursed her with that bone-melting smile. “Thanks for not taking advantage of the camera.”
She snatched up a salt shaker just to busy herself. Patrick was out for the day taking photographs. Earlier, she’d been glad of the privacy, but now she wished he’d return. “What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
She bit her bottom lip and ran her thumb over the ceramic top.
“You’re a pretty terrific person, you know that, Lady E? And I don’t just mean in the bedroom.”
She turned back to him, and her voice sounded small and uncertain, completely unlike herself. “You think I’m terrific in the bedroom?”
“Don’t you?”
“Well, yes, but that’s because of you, isn’t it?”
He gave a sharp nod. “Absolutely it’s because of me, so prepare yourself for a major letdown when you start trying it with somebody else.” He began to smile, but then his mouth seemed to suffer some sort of cave-in.
She realized she couldn’t imagine making love with anyone else. She couldn’t imagine being that uninhibited and vulnerable. Why had she allowed herself to have sex with him? She never did anything casually, so why had she thought sex would be the exception? When she’d given him her body, she’d been unconsciously giving him every part of herself, including all those parts he hadn’t asked for and didn’t want.
She moaned.
“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve just eaten bad shrimp.”
“Worse than that.”
“Emma?”
“I can’t talk about it.”
“Sure you can. Tell me.”
Tell him that she loved him? Not bloody likely! She could just imagine his reaction. First he’d look stunned, then horrified. There’d be no more talk of extending her stay
, no more ease between them, none of those flashing smiles that made her feel as if she were drowning in an ocean of sunlight.
Then the most astonishing thought came to her. Why not be honest? It had always been her nature to take the bull by the horns, and this would be the perfect way to save herself. If she told him the truth, it would be like an amputation. Quick and brutal. His horrified reaction would put an end to any silly daydreams she might have about little violet-eyed children and happily-ever-after.
Without letting herself ponder the matter for a moment longer, she found her mouth opening, heard herself speaking, “The most ridiculous thing has happened.” She cleared her throat. “I just realized I—It’s most annoying, completely foolish, but—” Her tongue felt clumsy in her mouth. “You’re going to be absolutely stunned. Probably angry. And I quite understand.”
He waited patiently.
“Oh, never mind. Forget I—” But even as she began to retreat, she stopped herself. She possessed many faults, but cowardice had never been one of them. And who made the rule that a woman could only protect her pride by hiding her deepest feelings? She was made of sterner stuff, and she blurted out the words.
“You see, I’ve fallen in love with you.”
He stared at her as if snakes had started to sprout from her ears.
She snapped up her head. “Do not say a word! I’m so furious with myself I could scream. Can you imagine? It is so bloody ridiculous! You! Of all people!” She snatched up a meat fork from the counter. “Why don’t I just stick this right through my heart instead? Or decide I’m in love with Tom Cruise? Or—or Daniel Day Lewis? Or some silly rock star? It would be just as irrational.” She slammed down the meat fork, crossed her arms over her chest, and began tapping her foot to keep from falling apart. “Yes, well, I’m not going to put up with this, am I? There are some things that simply cannot be endured. I’m putting an immediate stop to it.”
His mouth opened and shut, then opened again. “How—how are you going to do that?”
She shot up her chin. “I just did, didn’t I?”
