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“We’ll go over levels of difficulty and ways to escape. Can you handle that, do you think?”
I take a breath, not giving myself too much time to think before I answer. “Yes,” I say quickly, swallowing hard. “I can do it.”
“Continue,” Viktor barks out. “You’re not finished.”
Levin goes very still, his face impassive, but I look over at Viktor with shock. “Viktor, I’m tired—”
“Are you in pain?” His jaw clenches. “Are your injuries bleeding again or too painful?”
“I—” I hesitate, trying to measure whether they are or not. I’m sore, but it’s not excruciating. “I think I can keep going.”
“Then do.”
I don’t understand the sudden shift in Viktor’s attitude. Did my comment about his security really cut that deeply? I can’t figure it out, but I see his eyes flick towards Levin, and then Viktor nods.
Levin’s hand shoots out, grabbing my wrist and pulling it behind me. It’s not a terribly hard grip, but it’s enough to catch me off guard and make me gasp as he twists it behind my back, that cold panic flooding me again.
“Ow!” I yelp, stiffening. It’s exactly what Levin told me not to do, and I hear him bark that out, his words cutting through the fog of fear.
“Relax, Caterina!”
“You’re twisting my arm!” I snap, and I hear Levin laugh. It’s not a cruel laugh, but something about it sparks a memory, Stepan laughing as he leans over me, and the pain in my wrist where Levin’s fingers are pressing against the laceration suddenly seems to amplify every other pain in my body. I jerk myself free of it suddenly, ripping my wrist out of his hand despite the sharp, burning pain that follows, and stumble backward, feeling myself go pale.
“Just breathe,” Levin says, and I glare up at him, gripping my wrist.
“I’m trying,” I hiss, and his mouth twitches, possibly the closest thing to the beginning of a smile that I’ve ever seen on his face.
“You’re angry. Anger is good, Caterina. It’s better than fear. Anger will get you through. If you’re ever in a situation where you have to defend yourself, let yourself be angry. Let yourself feel that rage that anyone would try to hurt you, to take advantage of you. Use it, and push back the fear.”
“Have you ever had to do that?” The question slips out before I mean for it to, and Levin tenses instantly, his face shutting down.
“That’s not relevant to your training,” he says pointedly, and I have to fight not to roll my eyes.
Of course, he’s not going to tell me. We’re not friends, not even as close as a real trainer and student might be. I need to remember that. As much as I want someone to rely on, I have no guarantees of that. Not here.
“Breathe,” I hear Levin instruct again, and I force myself to focus on that, on the mechanics of breathing, in and out, in and out.I’m safe,I tell myself, forcing myself to let go of my wrist.This isn’t real.Levin isn’t going to hurt me. He’s teaching me how to protect myself. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Nothing here, anyway.
Am I sure about that?
I tell myself that if I learn this, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be able to protect myself no matter what.
I’m not sure quite how much I believe that, though.
“Not all of this will be so easy,” Levin says, his mouth set in a firm line. He doesn’t look like he’s enjoying this all that much, but I don’t think that matters either. Whatever Viktor says, he’ll do.
“An attacker would be much, much more forceful than I was just now,” he says, his voice taking on that stern tone that I know so well from Viktor. “You need to be prepared for that.”
“Do I need to be prepared for all of it today?” I retort, glaring at him. “Because I don’t think I’m in any shape to go ten rounds with anyone right now.”
“No.” Levin’s mouth twitches again as if I’ve said something funny. “But we do need to continue for a little longer. Are you ready to try again?”
I hesitate, but I know that I don’t really have a choice. I don’t need to look at Viktor to know what the expression on his face will be or ask to know that he’s not going to let me leave until we’ve gone through everything he instructed Levin to show me today. I might as well get it over with.
I give Levin a quick nod, and I see the tension in his shoulders relax a little.
“We’re going to do this again, but the other way. I want you to put me into an armlock, and then I’ll show you the process to escape. We’ll try it with you again after that.”
I swallow hard, nodding again. I don’t really want to touch him or be so close to him, but it’s better than Viktor, I suppose. At least I’m not attracted to Levin. I’m just a little afraid of him.
