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I love you, but I can’t act on it when you do the things you do.
I love you, but only if you change.
I love you, but not like this.
It would be better not to say it at all.If he rescues us,whenhe rescues us,I tell myself,we can talk about it then.
Sofia stirs next to me, pressing her hand to her stomach, and I glance over at her. “Are you alright?” I ask softly, and she shakes her head, wincing.
“I’m in a little pain,” she says quietly. “They weren’t exactly gentle. But it’s not me that I’m worried about.”
The baby. I look at her protective hand pressed against her belly and feel the same fear that I have for Anika and Yelena stirring again. “They didn’t do anything rough enough to hurt the baby, did they?”
“Not yet.” Sofia swallows hard; her face and lips are bloodlessly pale. “But that doesn’t mean that they won’t.”
It takes me a second to realize what she means. “No,” I whisper. “No, they wouldn’t. Not even Alexei—”
“He wants a good price for me,” Sofia speaks with some difficulty as if it’s hard for her to get the words out. “Being pregnant will only hinder that. I’m not that far along. It wouldn’t be hard to…to—” her voice breaks and her hand flattens tightly against her stomach, her eyes brimming with tears. “I fought so hard for this baby. I put us both in danger to keep it from Luca when I thought that he wouldn’t want it, that it would break our contract.” She sniffs, obviously trying not to break down in front of our guards. “And then he was happy, and everything was good, and, and—”
“Oh, Sofia.” I wish I had more arms to hold her and the girls, but instead, I lean my forehead against her shoulder, still cradling Anika and Yelena. I can feel the weight on my shoulders, the responsibility of trying to ensure everyone’s safety. No one has explicitly told me that’s my job, but I’m Viktor’s wife, the wife of thepakhan. The wife of the man whose rival is causing this. I’ve lectured Viktor about responsibility, and now I’ve got to take my own words to heart.
“I don’t think they’d do anything that would damage me,” she manages in a choked voice. “Alexei is interested in profit off of this, not just in hurting Viktor and Luca. But if he can get a doctor to—”
“Shh.” I reach out and grab her hand, shaking my head. “Don’t say it out loud. Don’t eventhinkit, Sofia.”
“But what if—”
“If that’s what he’s got in mind, then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But you can’t work yourself up being afraid of something that hasn’t even happened yet. It’ll only be worse for you and for the baby.”
Sofia nods, taking as deep of a breath as she can. “I saw what they were doing to Luca, as they took us out—and the others—”
“Luca is strong.” I squeeze her hand. “I know it’s horrible. They were starting in on Viktor when Alexei dragged me out. But they’ve been through beatings before. We married men who know how to survive in this world, Sofia. They’re all strong. They’ll survive it, and they’ll come after us. As soon as they can make a plan.”
“Do you think Max will?” Sasha’s voice comes from the other side, smaller and softer than usual. “Do you think he’ll come with them?”
I pause, considering. “I don’t know,” I say carefully, glancing over at her. “I don’t know Max very well. But I don’t think he’s the same kind of man that Viktor and Luca—and even Liam—are. He’s a priest, Sasha, you know that, right?”
“He used to be.” There’s a hint of stubbornness in her tone that sets off a pinging alarm in my head. I remember how Max‘s face looked when he caught sight of her in the hall, how they’d spoken to each other earlier, before Alexei’s men took us away. “He was defrocked.”
I lick my dry lips, considering what to say. On the one hand, I don’t want to deny Sasha anything that might give her some comfort or hope. She’s been through so much, and it’s far from over. But just as I’m unsure that Liam’s interest in Ana is wise, I feel the same about Max. Even if he had stepped fully away from the priesthood, he clearly comes with a good deal of baggage.
“I’m under the impression that he still tries to keep to his vows, though,” I tell her gently. “I don’t know his story. But he broke at least one of them, I know that much, and he’s under Viktor’s protection now. I don’t think he’s open to romantic connections. And beyond that, he’s complicated, Sasha.”
She looks away, her arms tight over her torn shirt. “So am I,” she says quietly. And then she goes very quiet, refusing to look at any of us.
I start to say something else to comfort her, but Ana starts to stir on the other side of Sofia, and Sofia turns immediately towards her.
“Hey. It’s okay,” Sofia says softly, reaching for Ana as her eyes go wide and she starts to push herself up, scrambling backward. She can’t go far because we’re already on one side of the van, and I can see panic rising in her eyes.
“What’s happening?” Ana breathes, starting to shake as she sees the men guarding us. “What the fuck is going on? What the fuck—”
“Alexei attacked the safe house,” Sofia says, keeping her voice low and soothing even if her words are anything but. “He forced Viktor and Luca and the others to let him take us. The men are still alive, though, if a little worse for wear. And I know they’ll come after us—”
“Liam.” Ana looks up at Sofia and then at me, her eyes wide and terrified. “Is he okay? Is he—”
“He’s fine, as far as I know,” I tell her quickly. “Maybe a little roughed up, but he’s alive. I bargained with Alexei to make sure that he wouldn’t kill them.”
“What did you say?” Ana’s expression is suddenly guarded. “What did you promise them, Cat?”
