AllFreeNovel
Share Us
SAOIRSE
I’m entirely, completely stunned at what just happened. I can still taste him on my lips, but I can’t believe it. I can feel his cum cooling on my skin, and I can’t believe it.
One second we were promising each other that we would commit to passionless marriage, a partnership based on mutual respect and a shared future, and the next, we were clawing at each other on the blanket with exactly that impassioned frenzy we’d just sworn not to allow.
I lick my lips, the salty tang of him sending a ripple of desire through me even after three of the best orgasms I’ve ever had—or that’s what it felt like, anyway.
With Connor, every new pleasure and climax feels like the best one I’ve ever had. He’s my first in everything, and I can feel it binding us together in a way that I know is dangerous for us both.
It’ll pass.He keeps saying that, that once our wedding night and the honeymoon period of our new marriage is over, we won’t feel like this. We won’t want to rip each other’s clothes off at any glimmer of an opportunity.
I grab at my clothes, suddenly very aware that we’re out in the open. The beach appears to be otherwise deserted, but it’s not just that. My skin feels oversensitive and chilled in the fading heat of our passion. I tug my bra back up, hurriedly pulling my t-shirt over my head and using a corner of the blanket to clean off where Connor came on me, fixing my panties and tugging my jeans back on. I’ll need a shower when I get back to the hotel, but this will do for now.
“I need the ring back.” Connor holds out his hand, and I flush. Part of me doesn’t want to give it back, and I know that’s foolish. The ring should mean nothing to me, just an outward symbol of a promise that I believe Connor, at least, won’t go back on.
I slide it off my finger, seeing the diamond shine dimly in the grey light of the beach, and something in me aches at setting it back in his palm. I bite my lip as he slips it back into the velvet box, not meeting my eyes.
“Connor—” I don’t know what to say. I’d imagined, any number of times, what oral sex might feel like. The idea of atongueon my pussy, my clit, when fingers already felt so good—I couldn’t fathom what it might be like. Now, having experienced it, I know no amount of imagining could have measured up to the reality.
It had been so incrediblygood. Hot and wet, soft and firm in all the right places, sliding over my most intimate flesh, and when he hadsucked—
Now I know why blowjobs are something men supposedly crave so much.
“I won’t touch you again until we’re married,” he says stiffly, his clothes rearranged now too. “I only meant to kiss you. I didn’t expect it to go so far, I—”
Lost control.I know what he means to say, even if he can’t say it out loud, can’t admit that I overcame his self-control. He wasravenous, and I’m almost astonished that he didn’t try to fuck me now.
I’m not sure I would have stopped him if he’d tried, if I’m being honest.
I want to tell him that I don’t regret it, that the things he makes me feel are beyond anything I ever imagined, and that I want him to do it all over again. That I want to spend alifetimedoing those things with him. That now that we’re on the cusp of betrothal, we could do just that very soon—that when I’m with him, I can’t imagine wanting another man, and that it hurts to think that even when he’s with me, he’s just biding his time until he can have other women.
That it’s only when we’re apart that I can even comprehend wanting someone else in the future.
But I don’t say any of it because every single one of those words would give him too much power over me. He already has the reactions of my body, the way I rouse instantly to his touch, coming apart at the seams at the press of his finger or the swipe of his tongue, and that’s enough. If I said it out loud, how much I want him—
I’d give him the power to break my heart utterly, not all that far in the future.
“It was just the one last time,” I say instead. “Since we agreed that—our marriage will be a partnership and nothing more. And now—”
“Nothing else until we’re married,” Connor says firmly. “We’ll be going back to London tomorrow, and then Boston, as soon as the betrothal ceremony is done. We’ll keep our hands to ourselves until our wedding night. And then—”
My heart skips in my chest at the thought of our wedding night, of him finally inside of me. I’ve seen his cock now multiple times, had him in my mouth, and I crave that final joining more than I can possibly admit, even to myself. I want him—allof him.
“We’ll do it as often as necessary to get you pregnant the first time,” Connor continues firmly.As many times—my heart skips again at the thought of going to bed with him over and over, of his hands on my naked body, all the positions he could teach me. Of riding him like I just did, but both of us bare to each other—
“And that’s it,” he finishes. “Once you’re pregnant with our first child, we’ll decide how we wish to space out our family from there. You’ll go on the pill and stop when we decide it’s time to conceive again, at which time we’ll—” Connor pauses. “Until you’re pregnant again.”
I blink at him. “So once I’m pregnant—we won’t sleep together atall? Until you want to knock me up again?”
“There’s no need to be so crass, Saoirse.” Connor pushes himself to his feet, so utterly detached now that it’s hard to remember the passionate man who kissed me so fiercely, ripping at my clothes and coming for me before he could even get his cock out he was so aroused. “There’s no need for us to have sex unless it’s to produce heirs. We discussed this already, that we—”
“Would have other lovers,” I interrupt. “An open marriage, I get it. But you don’t want me atall? Outside of what it takes to get me pregnant?”
“Of course, I want you right now. But it will fade in time, as I’ve said.” Connor shakes out the blanket as I step off of it, rolling it up. “You’ll see, Saoirse. You’ll be glad to only have to tolerate my presence in bed when it’s necessary, once you’ve grown bored of me as well.” He steps closer, brushing his fingers over my cheek, and I have the sudden urge to burst into tears, though I manage to hold it back. “You only feel this way because you don’t know better,” he murmurs. “It won’t last. It never does. You’ll become infatuated with someone else, and this—thing between us will be nothing but a pleasant memory of your first times.” He hesitates, his hand still brushing against my face. “I do want to make it pleasant for you, Saoirse. But it’s nothing more than that. You should remember it, when your feelings get away from you.”
My cheeks heat at that, and I jerk away from his touch. “My feelings aren’tgetting away from me,” I say snappishly. “I just wanted to be sure we were clear on the terms of our arrangement, just as you did. Don’t worry,” I add, striding towards my horse. “I won’t touch you until our wedding night again, either.”
Deep down, though, I have a sinking feeling that we’re both protesting far too much.
