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Aweeklater she was at Trader Joe’s, taking her time as she wandered the aisles even though she’d been there a hundred times before. It was something she’d noticed since sleeping with Liam — a mindfulness in her movements, a kind ofpeace.
She wasn’t sure it was him as much as it was her — the fact that she’d taken two lovers in as many weeks, that she’d finally freed herself from feeling guilty about it, and probably more importantly, that she’d freed herself from the guilt about her marriage toPeter.
Maybe Liam was right: maybe some things weren’t meant to lastforever.
Since that night, she’d been able to think kindly about Peter for the first time in a long time. She saw him with a new wife, one who could give him children, who could fill the house in Larchmont with noisy footsteps and sticky fingers and laughter that had been too rarely heard there in recentyears.
Thinking about it didn’t hurt as much as it usedto.
She was still confused about Jack and Liam, but she was content in a way she hadn’t been in a long time, maybeever.
Jack had sent her more roses with a card explaining that he was out of the country for a few days but wanted her to know he couldn’t stop thinking about her. She had the sense that it was an unusually heartfelt confession for him, a realization that made her think of him with unexpectedtenderness.
She knew all about the challenges of being vulnerable with someone, and those challenges had to be greater for someone like Jack who was under so muchscrutiny.
She’d spent most of Sunday with Liam after their first night together and had only gone home over his objections. It was tempting to stay — and not just because he’d promised her pizza and a quiet night on the sofa — but her mind and body were clamoring forspace.
Passion aside, her night with Jack had been cool, almost distant. She’d left him wanting more — more sex, more closeness, moreconversation.
By contrast, her night with Liam had been a kind of emotional and physical gluttony. They’d made love until she was sore, had touched and kissed and probed until she felt like she knew his glorious body better than she knew her own, had talked until she began to shut down, surprising herself with the confessions he pulled from her. She’d felt treasured,understood.
But it had also overwhelmed her in a way she didn’t quiteunderstand.
She’d retreated gratefully to her little apartment where she’d holed up with old movies and takeout, leaving only to go to the gallery, and once, to dinner with Liam before he left for a prearranged trip to London for a magazinearticle.
He’d seemed reluctant to say goodbye and had promised to take her with him next time as he kissed her outside herapartment.
She missed him in a way that was different from the way she felt about Jack — that was a craving, an addiction — but she was happy to have a few more days to process everything that washappening.
She paid for her groceries at Trader Joe’s and carried her bags to the subway, marveling at how familiar everything seemed. She could get to Karen’s apartment on the Upper West Side and Robin’s Soho studio without thinking, could walk to Amy’s brownstone if she had the time andinclination.
She knew where to get the best Thai food and which pizza places were open late, knew which grocery store carried the freshest Indian spices for the Chicken Masala she’d started cooking and which local bar made the bestmartini.
She exited the subway at her station and headed straight for the exit. The bags were a little heavy, but she’d learned exactly how much she could carry without tempting her to dump a bag of groceries in the nearest trashcan before she made ithome.
She was halfway down her block when she spotted the black car next to the curb outside her apartment. She picked up her pace, hating the way her heart raced, the way her body flushed, as the back dooropened.
And then he was there, staring at her with an expression she’d never seen before as she made her way up theblock.
“The prodigal son returns,” she said. “Have you been waitinglong?”
“Irrelevant.” He reached for one of the bags, a gesture that seemed too mundane for a man in such an expensive suit standing outside a car driven by hischauffeur.
“Why is it irrelevant?” sheasked.
“Because I would wait a long time for you, Nina. Have already waited a long time foryou.”
She smiled. “Does that mean you’re happy to seeme?”
“It means I’m happy to see you.” He looked pained as he said it, as if it was difficult toadmit.
She wanted to kiss him. To wrap her arms around him. The fact that it wouldn’t be welcome only made her want himmore.
I’ll tell you when you can touchme…
What was wrong withher?
