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Jenna turned her eyes to Farrell. His big hands worked the controls of the helicopter, his sunglasses shielding his eyes from thesun.
She knew he adored her and Lily — knew he would give his life for them — but their bohemian lifestyle was a long way fromdomestic.
They were still unmarried, still had wild sex. They showered their only child with attention and love, let her run barefoot after the goats in Tuscany, thought nothing of allowing her to miss school for impromptu trips, thought nothing, for that matter, of leaving her with Mrs. Pendleton or Carmen while the two of them jetted off for the weekend to Bali or Fiji where they made love on the beach at all hours, exploring each other’s bodies like they didn’t already know everyinch.
Farrell’s lifestyle — and his connection to organized crime — had terrified Jenna when she’d left for New York, pregnant with Lily and unsure what it would mean to raise a child with a man who would never be home for dinner at six, who would never carry a briefcase and report to an office everyday.
When they’d finally reunited, she’d been surprised to find that she thrived on the lifestyle that had once frightened her. She liked the danger of it, the uncertainty, and while she shielded Lily from those aspects of Farrell’s work, there was no sign their daughter was doing anything but thriving under thecircumstances.
A baby would change everything, and while Jenna wouldn’t mind sacrificing her freedom, she would mind the compromises Farrell might have tomake.
She’d never expected him to be anyone but who he was, had never demanded or expectedmarriage.
Had never neededit.
So why did it suddenly seem important that he’d neverasked?
Was she more staid than she wanted to admit, secretly craving that last vestige of stability called marriage? Or was it because deep down, she feared Farrell might not be as happy in their life as shewas?
It was no secret that he’d made compromises. He was still dangerous, now running the Syndicate instead of being a cog in the wheel, but he came home whenever possible, anxious not to miss too much of Lily’s life when he’d already missed the first fiveyears.
And he’d been gone a lot more lately — bringing the Syndicate’s territories back under control, setting up a new organizational structure now that he was running the Syndicate with Nico, Christophe, andLuca.
He’d been busy, maybe even a little distracted. Was the domestic side of their life together finally boring him? Would another baby make him feel trulyimprisoned?
And what about her? Did she want to go back to nappies and bottles? To teething and sleepless nights? Would she become one of those hollow-eyed, exhausted mums she sometimes saw at the park pushing an infant in acarriage?
Farrell turned his head and smiled, as if sensing her eyes on him. She smiled back and took a deep breath as she returned her eyes to the window, Florence coming into view belowthem.
They would figure it out. It didn’t matter that they weren’t officially married. She didn’t need a piece of paper to know they were meant to betogether.
She would find a way to tell him over the holiday. There would be no business, no sudden trips, nodistractions.
They would figure itout.
