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They planted kisses on each other’s cheeks and Robin and Amy headed for the station while Nina and Karen started in the opposite direction. They’d been walking for a block before Karenspoke.
“I should have apologized sooner,” she said. “I’m sorry,Neen.”
“For ridiculing my feelings about Jack and Liam or telling me I don’t know how to be happy?” Ninaasked.
“Both. I was a shit. Can you forgiveme?”
“Can I borrow the Gucci clutch next time Jack and I go out?” Nina asked, forcing herself not tosmile.
Karen’s vintage Gucci clutch was legendary in their circle of friends, second only to Karen’s possessiveness overit.
“What are you, sixteen?” Karenasked.
“I’m just asking,” Nina said. “I mean, how much leverage do I havehere?”
“Ugh! Yes, you can borrow the Gucci clutch.” Karen bumped her shoulder against Nina’s like when they’d been in college and Karen had been trying to coax a smile out of her. “Am I forgiven now or do I have to wait for you to borrow it to getabsolution?”
“I think I can front you the absolution,” Nina said as they turned the corner. “Besides, I’m not sure you werewrong.”
“About which part?” Karen said. “Wait… why did I apologize if I wasn’twrong?”
Nina laughed. “Because you’re supposed to let me come to these realizations on my own, then tell me it’s not true that I’m amess.”
“I’ll make a note ofthat.”
Nina drew in a breath, savoring the smell of summer. For months the air had been filled with wet concrete and cold steel. Now there was a hint of steam from the subways and the faint scent of garbage rotting in containers near the curb. It was oddlyenjoyable.
“I know it’s dumb to think about Liam,” Nina said. “Even if he were in the country, it wouldn’tmatter.”
“Why wouldn’t it matter?” Karenasked.
“Because I blew it and because some of the things standing between us haven’tchanged.”
“Because he’s younger, youmean.”
“It’s not nothing,” Nina said. “I know you say age is just a number, and if it were just sex, I would agree, but there are differences in relationships when you’re thirty and when you’re almost fifty. And all of that isn’t even addressingJack.”
“So… address Jack,” Karensaid.
They passed a handful of guys standing outside the bar. Nina had never been surprised when men checked out Karen, and the novelty of being checked out herself had worn off six months ago. She avoided eye contact and waited until they were past to speak. “I care about Jack. I really care about him. He’s not just some sex toy tome.”
“But?”
“But what does it mean that I care about Jack and still think about Liam? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t know how to be happy. Maybe I create all this drama for myself when things get boring just to keep itinteresting.”
“Are things boring?” Karenasked.
Nina shook her head. “Not in theslightest.”
“So that’s not it,” Karen said. “Maybe the answer issimpler.”
“If it’s simple and I still don’t have it, doesn’t that make mestupid?”
Karen laughed and looped her arm through Nina’s. “You are not stupid. It’s just hard to see things clearly when we’re in the middle of them. I’ve been guilty of the same thing, as you wellknow.”
Nina thought about all the men Karen had been involved with over the years — the one-night stands, the kink aficionados, the few times she’d fallen hard. “Ido.”
“So you know I’m not immune,” Karen said. “And I counted on you to give me a clearer perspective when I couldn’t see the forest for thetrees.”
