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“This time it’s true,” Kate said. She went silent when the waiter appeared with Joanne’s drink and waited for him to leave to continue. “I’m just… messedup.”
“Is Declan fucking up?” Joanne asked. “Because if he is, I can be at your place in less than half an hour to talk some sense intohim.”
Kate laughed. “No! Seriously. He’s so, so great. I just can’t helpthinking…”
“That something’s going to go wrong?” Priyaasked.
Kate sighed. “Yeah.That.”
“That’s because of Beth,” Joanne said, lifting her gin and tonic to her lipstickedmouth.
“And your parents,” Priya saidsoftly.
“Probably,” Kate acknowledged. The unfinished business with Beth and Neil, with whatever they had planned, was a thorn in the bouquet of roses that was her life with Declan, and the secrets and lies that had been revealed about her parents’ marriage didn’t exactly inspire confidence in long-term relationships. “Not that it makessense.”
“Not everything makes sense when it comes to love,” Priyasaid.
“No, but it should,” Katesaid.
Joanne laughed and lifted her glass. “Here,here.”
“I just wish we could find Neil,” Kate said. “It’s like there was all this stuff going on, you know? All this… intensity. My dad dying and me and Griff coming back to Boston, finding out about Neil and then Beth, getting back together with Dec, and then… nothing. Like somebody pressed pause in the middle of a movie and now I can’t sleep until I know how it allends.”
“That’s understandable,” Joanne said. “Add to that the stuff you found out about your parents’ marriage, and it’s no wonder you’respooked.”
Kate exhaled. “Exactly. I feel like I can’t trust anything rightnow.”
“But you know that has nothing to do with you and Declan right?” Priya asked. “You and Declan aren’t yourparents.”
“I know but…” Kate shook her head. “I guess I thought I’d feel more settled after Declan moved in, like it would all feel morepermanent.”
“It is permanent,” Joanne said. “I’ve seen the way Declan looks at you, the way he looks at Griff. He’s not going to let anyone hurt either of you. If Neil comes back, Declan will deal with him. If he doesn’t, you’ll live your happy life together, regardless of whether Beth ever reappears. Don’t give them more power than theydeserve.”
“I think it’s totally understandable for you to be unsettled,” Priya said. “It must feel like everything’s all mixed uptogether.”
Kate nodded, relieved Priya had given voice to feelings she hadn’t been able to articulate. “Yeah, I think that’s it. Everything happened at the same time — Declan coming back into my life, and the truth about my mom’s affair, and Neil and my sister. And then Declan and I were back together, but Neil was gone and so wasBeth.”
“It’s a lot,” Priyasaid.
“It is, but you don’t have control over what happens with Beth or Neil,” Joanne said firmly. “I mean, maybe he’ll turn up, but what if he doesn’t? You can’t tie your happiness to something you have no control over, not when you have a man in your bed who loves you, who wants to spend his life with you, a man youlove.”
“You’re right,” Kate said. “I just feel so…” She took a deep breath and then reached for her drink, surprised to find her hand wasshaking.
Joanne looked at her. “So…?”
“Pissed,” Kate admitted. “Just… angry, all thetime.”
It felt good to say it. To admitit.
It wasn’t logical. It wasn’t reasonable. But it was thetruth.
She’d wondered almost since the day Declan walked back into her life what her dad would say if he were alive, whether he would encourage Kate to take a shot at happiness by listening to her heart for once or whether he’d run down the list of Declan’s pros and cons and declare Declan a badrisk.
In the months since she’d found out about her mother’s affair, she’d wondered if her father would issue cautionary tales about marriage, taking a cynic’s view because of the affair her mother had had with Neil, or if her father had made peace with it, if he’d tell Kate it had all been worth it in spite of thepain.
She still didn’t know. But she knew she loved Declan, that he was her person, that he’d always been herperson.
She also knew she was angry — at her mom and Neil and Beth and the series of events that had turned people she’d trusted into enemies, and even at her dad, who had taught her to rule an empire but had left her ill-equipped for matters of theheart.
That anger was powerful enough to threaten everything she’d been building with Declan. It would eat away at what they had if she let it, at what they were building, as insidiously as it was eating though her own happiness every day she let itfester.
“Anger isn’t always bad,” Joanne said. “Use it to make Neil pay for what he did, to protect your father’s legacy, but don’t let it ruin all the good things youdeserve.”
Kate bit her lip. If only it was thateasy.
