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I still know what’s smart though, and I quickly wrap my chest with a practiced hand, thanking him for the clean clothes. Though they are massive on me, I feel more like myself covered up. I catch him watching me with a rueful expression.
“Axle,” I begin tentatively, “how does this work? I mean, the other inmates…” He steps up to me, stopping me with a heated look.
“Don’t worry about it,” he says firmly. “I will keep you safe. It is not your concern.” I feel something bristle inside me. I do not need a man to take care of me.
“You know, I’ve kept myself safe for a long time now. I don’t need your help.” Something crosses his face that seems much more in-line with what I’d expect from a man like him.
“And an excellent job you’ve done,” he retorts, “giving yourself to the first man who discovers your secret. Very well done.”
My mouth drops open at his callous words, like what we shared was some casual liaison. I mean, this all happened rather quickly, but the coldness of his word’s stings. My eyes narrow at him, a million things running through my mind of what I want to say. Before I have a chance though, he turns his back to me, quickly pulling his pants up.
“Stay here,” he orders as he makes his way toward the door, “and don’t get into trouble.” Without another word, he leaves.
I stand there flabbergasted, not understanding at all what happened. I’m not sure whether to be confused or angry, so I settle somewhere between. The first time I give myself willingly to a man and he turns into a total jackass and makes me feel like an idiot.
Honestly, I feel kind of pitiful.
For years I’ve been on my own and taken care of myself. I don’t even remember what it feels like to have someone care or look out for me. In today’s world, it’s everyone for themselves. Yet here I am, in one of the most fearsome places known to man, and the most fearsome man here wants to protect me. A scary, yet sexy, man who gave me pleasure unlike anything I’ve ever known.
I’m such an idiot.
If I have any hope of surviving this place, much less getting out, then I need help. As much as it hurts my pride, I need Axle. And despite how well I’ve managed to avoid desire and connecting for years now, I wanthimtoo. An uneasy feeling fills me as I realize how treacherous this truly is.
My stomach makes a loud sound, bringing me back to reality. Other than the rum, I haven’t eaten or drank anything since the rice at Theo’s last night. Sighing, I glance over towards where Axle exited, but I don’t expect he’ll be back for a while. I quickly decide he wouldn’t mind if I look around for something to eat, so I do.
I take a moment to take in more of the details of this room, which is really a couple of cells with broken walls making it more of a multi-room suite. I snort to myself when I realize this is likely the most luxurious space in the Tomb. The dim bulbs, hanging from the tangled web of wires from the ceiling, is the only source of light, but I do see a couple of candles. I’m a bit surprised that they would allow fire in here, but then again, stone doesn’t burn. Plus, I’ve already seen drugs, weapons, and alcohol. I suppose fire isn’t any more surprising. The keepers of this place don’t care what the inmates do, as long as they stay inside.
Running my hand along one of the worn stone walls, I wonder what this place was like when it first opened. I’m a bit rusty on my history, but I recall D1219 being around before the Split. I shudder when I think of those first few years of New Europe. I was only a child at the time, but I remember hiding in the dark under floorboards. I remember starving, having nothing to eat but rotten scraps. I remember when my parents died, and Josh saved us.
My heart aches when I think of Josh, more so even than my parents. I was so young when they passed, losing Josh is so much fresher. For so many years it was just the two of us. Now, it’s just me. My stomach makes another loud protest and I drop a hand to it.
Right. Food.
Walking over to the table, which is covered with random items I’d love to look at more closely, but first things first. Underneath it is a large crate that has a few more bottles of rum and below, a few soft apples. I grab one and tear into it, ignoring the sticky sweet juices running down my face. I inhale it in a few bites, core and all, before looking around for something to drink. Remembering the tub, I go behind the curtain and find a rusted tap with a bucket beside it. I fill the bucket and drink until my belly is uncomfortably full.
With my basic needs met, tiredness descends upon me and I yawn so big my jaw cracks. With nothing else to do, I go back over to the pallet-bed and curl up onto it. The smell of Axle and our lovemaking fills my senses and I remember again my precarious situation. I resolve to use Axle but keep myself distanced; attachment will not help me. If he wants to feel in control, then I must let him. I need to keep myself separate in my mind, despite how much my body craves his touch.
These are the thoughts that fill my head as I fall asleep and I don’t even notice my own body betray me as I smile and dig my head deeper into Axle’s scent.
For the first time in forever, I feel safe.
Fifteen
Axle
Istalk away, unsure of where I am going and only that I need to get away from this intoxicating woman. It’s late and the Tomb is as quiet as it ever gets, so only a few distant screams and cries in the distance. The sounds I fall asleep to nightly.
My lips are pinched as I pace the corridor. I’m grateful few inmates occupy the cells near my own because I don’t doubt anyone watching me right now would be wondering what the hell is going on.
What the hellisgoing on?
This woman, Ana, is maddening. Things are precarious right now in the Tomb, and this is the wrong time to have a woman around addling my wits. The nuns have been useful over the years, monthly visits arranged by the outer guards in a deal I made a long time ago. Even a government as fucked as this one can’t not allow inmates their religion, and mine happens to be plowing into whores dressed as nuns. That was always different though. Those women are nothing but vessels, things to be used for earthly pleasures. They know it, I know it.
But with Ana, it was so different. I want to worship and please her, but at the same time rip her apart with my savagery. I want to keep her safe and protected, yet I also am strangely eager to see what a badass she really is. My mind tells me to reject this and that keeping her near me will only get me into trouble. I should give her to Ethan.
Heat rises in me unbidden at this thought and I grit my teeth. The demons come quickly, jealous and furious at the thought of me sharing my treasure. I almost black out, the anger in me too much to bear. When I come to my senses, it takes me a few deep breaths to get myself back under control.
Control.
