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Blake's words play over and over in my head. I'm going crazy.
There's no way I can go through with it. Even if I wanted to, it would destroy everything. Asher and I are in such a bad place right now.
I heard Jenny leave earlier, saying she had plans with one of her girlfriends and last I saw Asher, he was heading to his room. He hasn't been out since he left the basement, and I'm scared for Zayn. Asherwillmake him pay. But in turn, Blake is using me to hurt Asher too.
It's painful to even consider, and while my heart and body are screaming at me to do it, my mind is saying no.
He's like a hit of dopamine, giving me those little doses of relief. But then, I need more. And, it's never enough.
It will never be enough. Even just one taste, one night… I would have to live with it forever.
And Asher… I'm so mad at him. I'm hurt by everything he's done to me. But, I still love him. And knowing that Blake is trying to hurt him, I can't do it. I won't be the reason Asher breaks.
I text Carmen and let her know that I'm heading back tonight. My stuff is still in the car except for the small pieces I took out over the past few days. I'm not even going to worry about the bedding. I'll buy new bedding tomorrow. It's not worth risking someone catching me. I need to just sneak out and leave.
I know a four hour drive is going to kill me so late, but I'm going to wait until after dinner. I will sneak out after. I'll lie, tell them I'm going to Wheels or something. They won't suspect a thing, then by the time they realize, I'll be gone and never coming back. At least by then the alcohol will have wore off.
The next few hours drag on slowly. Just before dinner, I go and hunt down Blake. He's not getting away without his dare. He owes me that much at least.
I find him out the back, on the deck watching the sunset. Taking a seat next to him, I reach over and grab his vape that's sitting next to him.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asks, annoyed.
I inhale, blowing out the smoke. I smack my lips together as I savor the apple flavor. "Just leeching off my big brother. I'm sure that's fine with you."
Blake huffs, grabbing it off me to take a drag. "Can't find anyone else to annoy?"
"Why would I when your company is so entertaining?" I say sarcastically.
He laughs dryly, offering me the vape again. I take it, sucking in a drag.
"Start talking, Blakey. You need to hold up your end of the dares. I want to know what happened."
Blake snorts. "I told you, it's not that entertaining. But, it's your dare." He pauses, taking a long inhale of the vape. "Zayn and I rebelled hard during our teen years. We did some shit, got arrested and our father freaked out. He threatened to send us to military camp, so we took off."
"That doesn't sound all that dramatic. So, why is Asher mad?"
"Because we left on his birthday."
I scoff. "Okay, yeah that's a dick move."
Blake shrugs. "We called him later that night and he asked us to come home. He said if we didn't, then he'd never speak to us again."
"So, naturally you decided to take off as delinquents."
"Isn't that just what you're doing?" Blake says.
I yank the vape from his hand. "The difference, Blake, is no one is asking me to stay. No one cares if I leave so I'm chasing freedom."
"Well," Blake says, standing up. "I hope you find what you're looking for. Good luck with the departing bang. Sounds like you need it."
After dinner, I hide in my room, watching the time on the clock. I know mom and Gareth went to bed about half hour ago, around 9:30pm, so my plan is to sneak out now. The house is quiet so I assume Asher, Blake and Zayn are in their rooms asleep.
I start grabbing my bag, making sure I have everything I need. Slipping on my shoes, I sneak out of my bedroom, closing the door behind me as quietly as I can.
The house is dark but I have no problem finding my way to the door. I've been waiting for this moment for so long, it's like I've imagined the pathway a million times in my head.
As I reach the front door, I pull off the house key from my keyring, placing it on the foyer stand which has photo frames of family pictures. I stare at the pictures for a few seconds. I'm not in a single one. They are all mom, Gareth and Asher. It's like I already don't exist.
