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“Why do you push away the powerful girl you could be? Why don’t you take the lead and punish the fuck out of your girl like you’re dying to? Rose won’t leave you. She loves you too much. But she might finally respect you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she whispers weakly, barely trying to deny the truth.
“You let her play you like you’re the most boring board game that’s ever been invented. She comes and goes as she pleases. She breaks your heart because she knows you’ll patch it back up and bring it to her again. If she gets to play with your heart, you should get to play with her body and her head. Drive her insane, hurt her good. See how she feels after that.”
She attempts to wriggle out of my grip, but I’m not ready to let her go. Not until she gets on my side.
“You’re angry at her. I get it,” she starts. I don’t even let her finish her thoughts.
“So should you,” I insist.
“I am!” she shouts back. Silence fills the room as Lik settles beside me, and we wait for her to continue.
She attempts to bring her voice down when she talks again. “I am, okay? I hate her when she hurts me. I hate her when she plays with my feelings. Just because she can, just because she knows how much I love her. She takes people for granted because everyone has always shown her how precious she is. One of a kind.” I let her go and she spins around, a fire in her eyes that probably matches mine.
“So what? Don’t you feel it?” she insists. “How special you are when she looks at you? How the whole world doesn’t matter as long as her eyes are on you and you’re on her mind. It might be ephemeral but—”
“So are most highs,” Lik cuts her off.
She looks at him and back at me. “Yeah,” she huffs.
“There’s only one way to make it last forever,” I explain to her. “Show her who she belongs to.”
She hesitates a few seconds when I hand her the knife back. But eventually, she takes it, and that’s how I know she’s ready for the same things I am.
I push past her, walking to the back of the room and into the hallway. I feel their burning stares; I feel the one and only question that hangs heavily in the air.
Which one of us does she belong to?
37
RACHEL
Chill(Dark Version) – Mickey Valen, Joey Myron
I shouldn’t be here. I should be at home, waiting for Conor to return, playing the part of a good housewife.
I shouldn’t be here.I shouldn’t enjoy watching Sam possess his boyfriend in ways that turn me on. I shouldn’t like having Sam holding me so close to him, promising me to punish Rose in ways I could never do myself.
Punishingher.
For all the pain and the heartbreaks.
For all the times she broke up with me to be in someone else’s bed. All the bullshit I put up with. All the times she disappeared on me. All the times she made me worried sick, wondering if she had accidentally or purposely attempted to take away her own life. Those nights she took so many drugs she might not have come back at all. All the people she chose over me.
Like Sam. She went to him, kissed him, on the same day I was waiting for her at my house with my packed bags, ready to run away with her. Instead, I went to dinner with my parents and Conor’s family. And I was forced to get engaged.
A family dinner. An upscale restaurant. Five pairs of eyes on me and the diamond that would link me to my abuser. The pressure, the tears I had to fake as happiness.
And the begging that came afterward in the car, on the way back to the family house.
Daddy, please do something. Please, I can’t do this.
Rachel, you’ll do as you’re told,my mom had replied. Her stern voice was a stab in the chest.
I love you, sweetie. You know I do. I want what’s best for you,he’d said in a defeated voice.
How can such a powerful man be so weak to the whims of a cruel woman?
