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“I’ll be there, I’m here.”
“It won’t be now. It won’t be soon. After running to Nate for help, it took me eight years to tell a single soul what Bianco did to me. I came back to you four weeks ago. Give me time.”
His voice is even raspier when he talks again, heavy with sadness. “After everything we had been through…you didn’t deserve this.”
I shrug. “Or maybe I did. I killed a man.”
“To save Nate’s life.”
“And look at what he did with it,” I chuckle sadly. “Threw it all away.”
“Yeah,” he sighs sadly.
He lets the silence stretch between us again, but this time it’s filled with love rather than misunderstanding.
“I love you, Ozy. I…I just got you back and I know I’m all over you, but it’ll pass. And then we can go back to normal. Whatever that is.”
I look deep into his eyes, our blues clashing in waves of unconditional love and primal need to protect your own. I don’t really think anymore, I just act on pure instinct. My arms wrap around his waist, and I force our bodies to crash together. My head lands on his shoulders and his hands on my back.
We hug for a long while, tightly and silently.
“It’ll be fine,” I finally say as we separate. “Time. It’ll do its job.”
“I’ll leave you alone, although anything you need or want to do…anything… you call me. We’ll be at Jamie’s tonight, but I can stay here. You’re my priority, Ozy.”
“I’m fine. I just want to be alone, honestly.”
Pain flashes in his eyes, but he changes the topic. “I don’t want to go to that party without you tomorrow. I would rather it be just the two of us, blowing one candle for two like when we were kids. I don’t need any of them, I just need you.”
“We’ll blow our candle and then I’ll go to bed, and you’ll go party.”
It’s not like I don’t enjoy partying anymore. I still do. I still love putting myself in fucked up states and numbing my brain from life. I simply don’t want to see the hypocritical population of this city.
On the surface, Stoneview shines bright like a diamond. But it has underground rivers of blood and sins running through its heart. We’re all covered in it, and I don’t want that for my birthday.
Jake is by the door when he talks again. “Can I just say…Rachel will be there.”
My heart stops, unhooks itself from its safety net, and plunges into the depths of my body.
Rachel.
My ex-girlfriend, Rachel.
Love of my life, Rachel.
The girl who I was meant to spend my entire future with, Rachel.
Rachel, who was waiting for me the day I got kidnapped.
I never showed up.
I let her down, like I always do.
I have been trying so hard not to think of her since I’ve been back in Stoneview, but it’s like my body knows it’s close to hers. Like my heart can sense her beating one. Questions have been going on in my mind on repeat.
Does she know I’m back? Does she want to see me? Does she hate me? Does she miss me? Does she still love me?
I don’t even realize Jake is gone, too lost in my own thoughts. Rachel was everything to me. I don’t know if I have the strength to see her again. I don’t know if I have the courage to see her after all this time and tell her how hard it was to breathe without her. How difficult it was to open my eyes every day and force myself to live, knowing I might never see her again.
