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I’ve lost my mind.
FOUR
TALIA
The next few days are a whirlwind of preparations. It’s so funny watching my colleagues’ faces when they realise I’ve been chosen for fieldwork. They don’t know what, of course, but it doesn’t matter. I hold my chin higher as I sign contracts and listen to the explanation of what I need and where it is. I’m given a map, and I force myself to go out, get a bag, and fill it with things I think I will need, including new shoes and casual clothes.
When everything is spread across my bed, ready to be packed, I panic. What am I doing? I can’t do this, but I have no choice. I signed a contract. I can’t go back, not now.
Early the next morning, I’m picked up at my building in an armoured army vehicle and escorted to the bridge that leads from Athesa to the slums. Carrying my heavy bag, I swallow nervously as I trot across the bridge. Once I cross it, the world completely changes.
The streets turn to dirt. There’s no clear path anywhere, with rubbish piled all over. There are no streets and signs, just shacks and shanties built on top of each other with walkways strung between them. I hurry past a brothel, where a woman hangs from the window, smoking something.
I jerk back with a little scream as a rat runs across my boots. Blinking and lowering my head in embarrassment, I tug my hood up, remembering what they said about being nothing but a shadow. I follow their directions. I get lost once or twice, my nose crinkling at the stench and the people sleeping rough. The kids are too skinny, dirty, and scared, while the older people are tired, weary, and defeated.
I end up giving over some rations before I force myself to keep moving, needing to keep some for myself as I finally turn the corner and reach the place where I am to meet my guide. When I see her, I stop in shock. She blended in for a moment, but when I finally make her out, I don’t know how she ever could have.
She’s like no one I have ever seen before.
Her hair is what draws me first. It’s a bright, shocking red, like the colour of spilled blood, intersected with lighter ginger strands.
Her eyes make me gulp. They are a brilliant emerald green, like jewels my mother once owned, and so stunning, they actually shock me for a moment before I take in the rest of her face. Her features are all hard edges, with a small scar above her pouting pink lips. There is nothing soft about this woman. She’s a survivor. She’s also strong. Defined muscles are obvious on her arms and legs, where mine are all soft. Her tucked in waist shows she’s from here and probably used to fighting to eat. Where I am sparkling clean and perfectly put together, she’s smudged in dirt and dust like she can never quite get rid of it. Her clothes are torn and worn, but she is more beautiful than any woman in Athesa. She’s a natural beauty, something people pay and strive to be, and here is she, huddled in a dirty alley.
The determined tilt of her chin tells me this woman is not someone to mess with, as does the hard gleam in her eyes as she watches me move closer.
She turns her head without removing her gaze from me and then spits something on the ground, making me jump. She notices, of course. “You’re late,” she snaps.
I blink in shock and fear. I really don’t want to annoy this woman. She scares me a little. “I was told—” I begin, but she interrupts me, her voice low and throaty.
“The sun is up, and we are already behind schedule. If you want through the wall, then we move now. You don’t leave my side, you stay silent unless I talk to you, and you never wander off, understood? If you do, I’ll leave you.”
I know she means that. She would leave me. I like that I know where I stand with her, even if it’s brutal and not at all cultured. “I understand,” I answer, wanting her to know I won’t let her down. I feel the need to win her approval for some reason.
Sighing like I’m a nuisance, she looks me over, and it’s clear she finds me lacking. “Take off the hood.”
I hesitate, and annoyance flashes in her eyes. “I… Um, I was told—”
“Take it off.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you or try to get your secrets—I have my own—but I need to know what I’m working with.”
Uncertain, I reach up and pull it down. I keep my eyes on the ground for a moment before I flick them up to meet hers. I nervously fold the cloak and put it in my brand-new bag, and then I stand here as she surveys me. The sneer that tilts her lips has my heart sinking, even as she tosses me something, a scrap of fabric she had been holding.
“Here.”
I catch it.
“Tie this around your eyes,” she orders.
I wrinkle my nose at the stench, checking it over. She snorts, and I meet her eyes. “Why?” I demand.
“So you don’t know the way in, duh,” she snaps, getting annoyed. “Stop with the questions and do as you’re told. It might just save your life.”
Great, Tal, annoy your guide. She’s definitely going to leave my ass. Still, despite the circumstances, intrigue fills me, and I wonder how she gets through the wall.
“How will I see?” I finally ask.
“That’s the point—you won’t. You’ll hold the back of my jacket until we are through. Once we’re over the wall, you can remove it. Also, you’re too clean. You know you’re going to get dirty, right?”
I blink, not sure what she means. “They are just clothes.”
