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“Yes,” I whisper, barely trusting my own voice.
“Good girl,” he praises as his fingers move higher toward my wet heat. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to move back over to the sofa and you’re going to lie across my lap. Until we’ve trialed this a few times, you will be completely unrestrained unless you ask me to hold your hands. We’ll start with just my hand, and if and when you’re more comfortable, maybe we’ll move on to other implements. How does that sound?”
“Okay.” I nod.
The smile Everett gives me makes my insides clench with a combination of love and heat. I never stopped loving him, not for a minute. Not when he left. Not when I couldn’t breathe without him. And not when he walked back into my life and destroyed all the progress I made. I’ve loved Everett for every second of every day, since before I knew what love meant, and I’ll love him for every moment, of every day I spend on this earth, and maybe even then.
He lifts me carefully until my feet touch the plush carpet and his eyes roam over my bare skin. I wish he would let me put some clothes on, but when he looks at me like this, like he’s never seen another woman like me, it takes away every bit of nervousness and self-consciousness that tries to rise to the surface.
Everett takes my hand in his much larger one and guides me over to the sofa before sitting down and patting his knees. “Over you go.”
I suck in a nervous breath and follow the command before I can back out. The moment I’m settled over his knee, his hand is moving gently across my ass, rubbing soothing circles into my bare flesh.
“You’re trembling, little dove,” he says quietly.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“You never need to be sorry with me, dove. Do these scars hurt at all? Any nerve damage that you know of?”
I shake my head, looking over my shoulder at him. “No pain, no nerve damage.”
His lips quirk up in a smile. “Good. Now if you get overwhelmed, I want you to say ‘red’ for me and I’ll stop straight away. I’m so proud of you just for agreeing to try, so even if we get one swat in and it’s too much, I’m still going to count it as progress, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I want you to keep your hands flat on the sofa cushion. I don’t want them getting caught up in the action and you getting hurt.”
I almost laugh. He’s getting ready to spank me and he’s worried about me getting hurt, but instead I nod once and turn back to bury my face into the sofa. Part of me is thrilled at the idea of getting this part of my identity back, but the other is mortified that Everett is staring at my naked, scarred ass right now, his palms trailing comforting circles around the damaged flesh.
“I need your words, dove. I’m sure you know communication is very important in these circumstances,” he reprimands me.
“I’m sorry. Yes, I understand,” I say quickly. I’ve been around enough Doms to know something like this can earn you extra punishment, and I’m already questioning my ability to handle what’s owing to me.
“Good girl.”
The first strike is more gentle than I would have expected, but obviously Everett is testing my endurance, and for that, I’m grateful. Where I expect to feel panicked, I feel calm.
“Okay?” he asks as he rubs the sting into my skin.
“Yes.”
Another strike comes down on the other cheek and makes me jump but doesn’t bring the memories I expect to the surface.
Three more come in rapid succession, taking my breath away in the most delightful way. The sting begins to settle in, and every time his palm makes contact with a place he’s hit before I jump.
“How are you doing, little dove?” Everett asks, his hands moving over the burning skin, massaging the heat deeper.
“Good,” I whisper, looking over my shoulder to see his satisfied smile.
“Not scared or anything?”
“No, I’m okay,” I assure him. I’m relaxing more and more with every swat he lands, and each one leads me closer to that place I long to be, the one I’ve missed since Craig took it away from me all those years ago.
“I’m so proud of you, dove,” he praises quietly. “Are you ready for the rest?”
“I’m ready.” I nod, handing my body to him and trusting him not to break me.
Four rapid fire smacks hit the backs of my thighs and make me cry out, the heat settling between my legs is almost as painful as my tender ass, the need to come so strong I can barely breathe through it. The fire burning on my ass hurts in the most delicious way, and it takes me long moments to realize the wetness on my cheeks is my own tears soaking the cushion under my face.
