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“Snow,” he commands, and my eyes snap to his, his demanding tone getting my attention and pausing the panic in its tracks. He gives me a satisfied smirk and leans his face until it’s just a breath from my own. “That’s better. I need you to stay calm for me, Snowflake. You had to have fairly extensive surgery, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself any more than you already have.”
“Surgery?” I croak.
He nods, his eyes closing for a moment as he releases a breath. “The bullet did a bit of damage, and you lost a lot of blood.”
“How much damage?”
He pauses, watching me for long seconds before letting out a heavy sigh. “They had to remove one of your ovaries.”
I stare at him, like surely there has to be a punchline, surely what he’s telling me has to be a joke, because I don’t think I can handle the alternative. But it never comes, instead, Elijah watches me carefully, waiting for the moment his words sink in and I break in his arms.
“I don’t want you to freak out about this. It doesn’t mean anything, Doc said your other ovary is still perfect and it shouldn’t impact your ability to have children down the road.”
This is karma. I did this to myself. The moment I started taking birth control pills without telling Elijah, in fact, I blatantly hid it from him because I wasn’t prepared to face him to tell him I’m not ready for children, I set the wheels in motion for this to happen. By going behind his back, the gods decided to take the choice out of my hands altogether and punish me for my lies.
“Snowflake,” he murmurs, brushing his thumbs across my cheeks, wiping wetness away. I didn’t even realize I was crying, but the moment I do, the tears come hard and fast. Elijah’s eyes are panicked, he doesn’t know how to deal with my tears, and I don’t know how to stop them. His eyes dart to the door and then a moment later, he’s carefully scooping me up from the bed, his hands gentle as he lifts me and positions himself on the bed with me in his lap. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
I don’t deserve his comfort, but I lean into it, nonetheless. I have to come clean. It’s not fair on him if I don’t. “I’m sorry,” I sob, turning my face into his chest and allowing my tears to stain his shirt. He’s still wearing his bloody clothes from the wedding, the red a stark contrast to the white fabric.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, little Snowflake. None of this is your fault,” he murmurs into my hair.
“You don’t understand.” A loud choke fills the room and burns through my chest. “This is all my fault.”
“No, it’s not, Snow. You didn’t ask for this to happen. You didn’t ask to be shot. But nothing is ever going to hurt you again. I will keep you safe from anything that ever threatens you or our family.”
His words only make the tears come faster. The family I probably can’t give him anymore. What use is a Mafia wife who can’t provide heirs?
Thoughts swirl around in my mind, none staying for long enough for me to focus on it. At least Elijah seems to be attached enough to me that he probably won’t kill me. If I’m lucky, he’ll drop me back at the estate with some annulment papers, and that will be that. If I’m unlucky, I’ll find myself at the bottom of Lake Michigan with concrete tied to my ankles.
“I need you to settle, Snow.” Elijah’s voice is firm, but it only makes the tears come in harder and faster. “You’re going to hurt yourself and I do not tolerate anything hurting my Snowflake.”
“I deserved this,” I cry.
“What did you just say?” Elijah growls, his body tensing beneath mine despite his hold on me remaining gentle.
I take a few calming breaths, enough that I can look at him and see the thunder in his eyes. “I deserved this. It’s karma,” I whisper, not trusting my words to come out even.
“What the hell are you talking about, Snow?” he snaps. His patience is wearing thin, and I almost want to ask him to put me down while I tell him this because I don’t know how he’s going to react.
“I was taking the pill,” I murmur. “I had a few packets at the estate and I started taking it the day the dealers went missing. I wasn’t ready for children, and you were so against the idea of birth control,” I sob. “This is my karma.”
Elijah is quiet for long moments, so long I begin to wonder if he’s going to reply at all. Some of the tension in his body has eased, but there’s still something vibrating through his body, begging to be let out to play. He sighs and his breath whispers across my cheeks. “You didn’t deserve this, Snow. I can see how I was a little… heavy-handed and may not have taken what you wanted into account, and for that, I am sorry. When you’re ready, we can start trying for children, and Doc said if we do have any issues, we could try IVF. Or we could adopt. There are plenty of kids in this city that need a loving home.”
I stare at him, trying to make sense of the words he’s saying. Adopt? What Mafia boss has adopted children? Could he pass the family down to them?
“I can see that pretty little head racing a mile a minute, but you need to relax before you hurt yourself. This is not something we need to worry about right now and I don’t want you making yourself sick.” He presses a gentle kiss to the top of my head before resting his chin there. He holds me so tight and for so long the tears begin to settle and the ache in my chest starts to ease.
But there’s still a nagging thought in the back of my mind that he’s just saying this because he feels guilty I was hurt, and if that’s the case, I don’t know how long it will be before he snaps and leaves me.
58
Elijah
The only time I can bring myself to work is when Snow sleeps.
It’s been eight days since our wedding and three since she was allowed to come home, but I haven’t spent more than a few minutes away from her. I can’t. I came too close to losing her, and anytime she’s out of my sight, panic claws up the back of my throat and holds on until I see her again.
She’s been withdrawn since I brought her home, not the same Snow I became obsessed with all those years ago, and I hate it. I miss her fire. I miss when she argued with me about everything. I miss her. But she’s healing and I can’t expect her to be jumping for joy after being shot. I have to be patient with her.
