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“Maybe you could—” I cut myself off before I can say anything idiotic like what was just about to fall from my lips. I was about to tell her to go, to run. To find a life of her own, far away from all of this.
For one brief, wild moment, her escape seems possible. I would take the fallout and accept all responsibility. I might even help her if she’d let me because she doesn’t deserve this, and I’m not going to be the reason for her endless misery. It isn’t fair to either of us.
“Ah, there you are!” As usual, Grandfather gets in the way, sneaking up on me out of nowhere and clapping me on the back before propelling himself into the room uninvited. He stops, his mouth falling open almost comically. He is truly playing it up today.” Oh, what a beautiful bride. What a vision. You make an old man very happy, both of you.”
“Thank you,” she murmurs, averting her eyes. The way she presses her lips together tells me she hasn’t forgotten their conversation. There must have been more to it than he told me. Not that I didn’t already know, but she’s only confirmed it now.
“You’re keeping everyone waiting,” he tells us, looking back and forth. “I would never deny a bride and groom the chance to spend a few private moments together, but time is of the essence. The sooner we get through the ceremony, the sooner the two of you can spend all the time together you wish.” There’s no ignoring the knowing look he gives me. I’m almost embarrassed for him.
“Look at you,” he says to me, hands on my shoulders, smiling from ear to ear. “I can hardly believe it. One day, you’ll understand this feeling, looking at someone and suddenly realizing the years that have passed. Don’t misunderstand me,” he adds, throwing a smile Elena’s way. “You know on the one hand, a child has grown into a man, but it’s moments like this that make you realize you’ve still seen the child inside all this time. Now, there is no question. But as I say, you’ll understand one day when your children grow.”
He’s about as subtle as a heart attack.
“Come on. Let’s go.” I don’t want to subject her to more of this since she seems to shrink a little with every word he says. “Elena, we’ll see you downstairs.” I want to give her one last reassuring look, but she’s staring down at her folded hands.
“Yes, your father will be up to see you momentarily,” Grandfather adds before we leave the room, and he closes the door. Once we’re in the hall, he claps me on the back. “A beautiful bride and a credit to you.”
I force what I hope passes for a smile when what I want to do is shake him. This is too twisted, too sick. I didn’t earn her. I didn’t win her love. I took her, held her captive, and now neither of us has any choice in this. How am I supposed to be proud? How can he crow about it like he does? It’s almost as if her presence has changed everything I thought I knew about myself, my family, and my life.
He leads me downstairs, then out to the yard. An archway has been assembled, covered in flowers, and a white runner leads from the back door to the place where the minister now stands. He’s chatting with who I assume is Mrs. Alvarez, though I was not given the benefit of an introduction. She is petite and quiet, even a little spaced out. Is this what I have to look forward to? A shell of a woman sharing my bed?
Aside from that, guards are swarming the place, opposing sides eyeing each other, suspicious of one another. The tension in the air is enough to nauseate me, and for one moment, I almost wish my brother was here, if only to bulk up our side of things a bit, to appear stronger. Then again, I wouldn’t want him to witness any of this shit. I hardly want to witness it myself. It’s better for Christian to stay away. He can find out about this after the fact, along with the rest of the world.
At least Elena gets a sunny day for her wedding.
“Enzo, in these last few moments, I want to tell you how proud I am of you.” We approach the end of the runner together, his hand firm against my lower back. Is he guiding me or pushing me? I can’t tell. “You’re stepping up like a man and doing what needs to be done for the good of the family. I need you to remember that’s all that counts. That’s all that ever matters, family. Making sacrifices for them. I have a lifetime of sacrifices to look back on, and I don’t regret any of them. Even the ones that made me grit my teeth and shake my fist at God when the time came to make them.”
We come to a stop, and he turns to me, holding me by the arms, a look of fierce determination on his lined face. “My only wish, the only thing that matters to me in this life, is seeing you carry on the family name. That’s all I need, all I want. Nothing else matters.”
“That’s what I intend to do,” I reply since it’s clear that’s what he wants to hear. Yet there’s more to it, and I can’t pretend otherwise. I’ve never seen him like this, never heard him speak this way. Was he saving this speech for my wedding day, or is it off the cuff, a rare glimpse of emotion from an otherwise steely man? Whatever it is, I can’t help but be moved, especially when he treats me to an impulsive hug. We are not huggers. I can probably count on one hand the number of times the man has embraced me, most of those times being in the days after I came to live with him.
“I’m very proud of you,” he concludes. “I’m proud of the man you’ve become.”
“Thank you, Grandfather.” I can’t say my heart is much lighter as we fall in place beside the minister, but at least I remember now why I’m doing this. For my family. Whether they deserve it or not.
And maybe, just maybe, Elena and I can find a way through this together.
At least, that’s what I need to tell myself as I wait for her to join me.
27
ALICIA
There it went. My last chance of getting out of this mess walked out the door. Not that I think it would’ve mattered what I said in these final moments before we exchanged vows. Neither of us has a choice here.
It doesn’t matter how Enzo looked at me when he first entered the room or how electric the air was. I don’t care that the softness and warmth in his eyes and smile cracked my heart open so he could find a way inside. This is wrong. It isn’t what I want, and there’s no hope of us being happy. At least, I won’t be happy. I’m sure his life will go on however he wants it to, with no regard for what I want or need. Just because he was nice to me for a minute doesn’t mean he’d be a good husband or even a willing one.
I can’t let my heart run away from me. It will only hurt so much worse once the inevitable happens, and I’m left miserable, locked away forever while my husband makes the most of the deal our marriage cemented. I hope that wicked old man is happy with what he’s forcing us into.
Though there did seem to be a little bit of genuine tenderness when he came in. I’m not imagining it—I wouldn’t go out of my way to imagine a shred of humanity in a man who’d threaten to kill me if I don’t get pregnant right away. I saw it; I heard it. He was happy to see us together the way a grandfather should be. He looked genuinely proud when he set eyes on Enzo, like for a minute they were family and nothing more. I hope that makes Enzo feel good after all the grief the guy has put him through.
Am I ever going to stop leading myself into caring about him? It’s like I want to get myself hurt. Like I want to be disappointed and let down when my husband doesn’t measure up to the image I’ve created in my loneliness.
I meet my gaze in the mirror and tighten my jaw in defiance. Fuck him. Fuck all of this. I’m doing what I need to do to survive, the way I always have. I’m not going to slink down the aisle with tears in my eyes. I won’t beg anybody to let me out of it, either. And if he wants me to be his wife, he’s going to see I’m no doormat. I’m not going to let any of these men break me down.
I’m taking one last look at myself in the mirror, touching up my makeup, when the door opens. It wouldn’t be Enzo coming back already, would it?
No. It’s a man I’ve never seen before, tall and dark-skinned and smiling like a shark. “There she is. My beautiful little girl.”
