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‘Holy shit, Jack.’
‘That’s why I didn’t say anything. It changes nothing. I never wanted you to think that I was one of those posh boys who got everything handed to him on a silver platter and didn’t give a toss about anyone but himself, and I didn’t want you to think that I was a condescending academic like most of my wanker colleagues.’
‘I’ve never thought any of those things,’ I say quietly.
We had arrived back at the cottage and Jack turns off the car. We both sit there quietly, staring off into the jet-black sky, the cloud cover obscuring the millions of stars that ought to be twinkling in the vast expanse. But the only glimmer in the darkness was the outside light of the cottage. Jack speaks, finally punctuating the stillness. ‘Leyna I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘Jack, that’s even worse. Of course, you should have said something. Iwantyou to feel like you can talk about anything with me.’
‘Now you know. And you’ll know I’m still the same moody, irritable bastard who’s just a run-of-the-mill professor at a quiet northern university.’
‘Don’t say that. There’s nothing run-of-the-mill about you, Jack, and you know it. You’re nothing like the other academics in the department and actually,’ I take a breath, ‘that’s why I like you.’
He turns to look at me then, a tortured look upon his face, like he’s waiting for me to go on, waiting for me to convince him that opening up won’t spell the end of whatever it is we have together.
‘You’re right about one thing, Jack. Whatever all of this is,’ I wave my hands around the car, ‘it changes nothing for me. I wouldn’t be here if—’
‘If...?’ he interrupts.
‘If I didn’t like you.’ I reach over and grab his hand, giving it a little reassuring squeeze. ‘How could you even doubt that? Haven’t I been open with you?’ Quietly I say, ‘Haven’t I opened myself up to you?’
Even in the darkness, I can see the flash of lust dart across his gaze, his eyes intense and heavy-lidded. I swear I can feel his pulse take an unexpected leap right through his skin. But he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he squeezes my hand tightly, rubbing his thumb in a soothing, calming manner against the fleshy part of my palm.
‘Look, it’s not that you didn’t tell me about your side hustle. I get it, we’ve all got secrets, things we’re ashamed of, things we struggle with. But I don’t really know what this is,’ I motion between the two of us. ‘What we are. And I don’t want to have expectations—’
‘You should have expectations,’ he says abruptly—forcefully—his eyes big and full of sorrow. ‘You deserve to have so much. It’s me, Leyna. I like to pretend things don’t bother me, so I set them to one side, hoping they’ll just disappear into the ether. Of course, that never works.’ He exhales, a long, slow breath, like he’s about to let a giant boulder roll down the side of a mountain. ‘The truth is, when I said I’m here for work, I wasn’t lying but I was disingenuous. I should have said I was here to deal with the restaurants. And they’re not just a side hustle. They mean more than that to me. There’s something wrong with them and, ironically, because they mean so much, I’ve put off dealing with it. It’s taken me a long time to admit it, but that’s why I’m here. And actually...’ he trails off.
I nod, encouraging him to continue.
‘I was really selfish. Iwantedyou to be here with me. I wanted you here but I didn’t want to tell you about any of this because... It’s stressful and an awful burden I’d rather pretend didn’t exist. But having you here with me... It’s like having an ally in all of this.’
‘Jack, tell me what’s wrong with the restaurants.’
‘Truth is, I don’t really know. There’s something more going on because I’ll get these random, cryptic phone calls from employees. Then I don’t hear anything at all. Then I’ll get a phone call from one of the managers and I can’t help but feel like everyone is keeping something from me.’
‘So, you’re here to see if you can figure out if your employees are hiding something? You don’t think they’re stealing, do you?’
Jack exhales. ‘Christ, I hope not. Those restaurants... Like I said, they’re more than just a side business. This was something my stepdad built and if it fails, it will feel like I’ve failed him in some way.’ He shakes his head, as though he’s trying to clear it. ‘When we were there, did you find the atmosphere strange at all?’
I pause, trying to remember. ‘I don’t know... I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention. It was quiet but it’s not really tourist season, is it?’
‘But Leyna, that’s the problem. We’re approaching Christmas. There should be more groups, parties, big gatherings, that sort of thing. I can’t shake the feeling that something is off. And it’s not just that. These two restaurants here in the Lake District arehaemorrhagingmoney. Even I know that it can’t continue too much longer or...’ He swallows. ‘They’ll have to close. And that’s the last thing I want. It would destroy me.’
‘I’m so sorry, Jack. I... I didn’t know.’
‘How could you, love?’ He hangs his head, his eyes downcast.
It breaks my heart to see him like this. ‘Jack, you might not like this, but there is no shame in realising you can’t fix everything yourself, in asking for help.’
‘It’s not like I’m the only professor to run a business on the side. I’d say it’s less common for someone like me who’s an English professor, but I know plenty of colleagues in other departments who run businesses. And honestly, if you think I’m stretched for time, I look at them in awe because I know their workload models are a lot fuller than mine. Have I mentioned Dom before?’
I shake my head no. ‘I don’t think so...’
‘He’s my Italian buddy. His name’s Domenico, but we call him Dom. He’s a biochemist. Really talented, actually. Some say the stuff he’s working on now could be a serious contender for a future Nobel. So, I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s cutting-edge science. He’s a bit of a fiery guy, which is why he and Dalton often butt heads—in a friendly way,’ he caveats. ‘But I’ve always gotten on with him. Anyways, he’s got a business where he makes these chemical compounds and...’ he trails off.
‘And?’
‘Sorry. That’s literally all I know about it.’ He laughs and the sound punctures the quiet stillness that had enveloped us, like a gust of wind that is there one minute and gone the next, the seriousness of the situation finally begins to dissipate. I’m relieved to hear him laugh.
