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My heart swells and I want to burst into tears. I swallow the lump at the back of my throat and compose myself. ‘I’m so proud of you. Just don’t forget us here in Castle Eden when you go off and become a world-renowned artist.’
‘Starving artist. Isn’t that what they say?’
Not if there’s any way I can help it, I think. But I smile and encourage her to keep at the painting.
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THE WEEKEND FLEW BYand neither Jack nor I have spoken since our little getaway. Suddenly I find myself back at work and nothing feels like it did before. It feels strange and uncanny, like I have a secret no one else knows—which I do. My eyes constantly dart from one end of the office to the other, as though I am expecting Jack to appear out of thin air. But he never does and I don’t see him on Monday. I catch a quick glimpse of him on Tuesday but I can see that we are both back to avoiding each other once again at the office so it comes to nothing and later that afternoon Candace texts me:
Candace: I know it’s a Tuesday, but fancy a drink?
Me: Love to. See you at 5 xx
It’s been a while since I last saw Candace and I worry that I’ve been neglecting our friendship. I’ve known Candace for so long and we’ve had our ups and downs but in the end we are always there for each other. She’s been a constant in a life of whirlwinds and she always grounds me.
Plus, I’m desperate to tell her about my time away in the Lake District.
We meet up at one the of the nicer pubs in Castle Eden. Ye Olde Yew Tree is another favourite of ours. It makes typical pub grub and the biggest, crispiest Yorkshire puddings I’ve ever seen.
‘What’s up? You don’t usually ask to meet up midweek. Everything okay?’ I ask her.
‘It’s been so busy at work and I needed a break that doesn’t involve sitting at home watching the telly.’
‘Is it Laurent again?’ I ask. The last time we spoke Candace was complaining about a long-standing grudge against one of her colleagues at the drug discovery company she works at.
‘I don’t even want to talk about it. He drives me up the wall!’
‘My work hasn’t been much fun either. Lorna is constantly breathing down my neck. It’s like she thinks I’m going to steal something!’
‘Steal a professor,’ Candace chuckles.
‘Ha!’ Then I think for a moment, ‘Shit, Candy, maybe you’re right.’
‘I hate when you call me that.’
‘I know. Sorry. I just never thought about it like that.’
‘It’s always to do with one of three things.’ Everything always came in threes with Candace as she starts to tick them off one by one on her fingers. ‘Number one, jealousy.’
‘What? You think she’s jealous that I would have a relationship—’
‘Ah, ah! Let me finish. Two, greed. Or three, pride. And really, they all boil down to one core idea: she thinks you don’t know your place. You are there to be a quiet, unseen,andunheard administrative assistant who gets paid minimum wage andknows her place. You are not allowed to question anything. Not the way things or done and not how people do them. And definitely not her. It goes without saying that you are not, and I repeat,you are notallowed to cavort with the academics.’ Candace waves her finger in the air and clicks her tongue. ‘That’s a no-no.’
Suddenly everything Candace is saying starts to make sense. I stare off into space as I think about all the things Lorna typically chews me out for: suggesting ways of improving processes around the office—the staff surveys, for example—or... ‘Oh my god, you’re right.’
‘I swear the answer to everything is always some fucked up dimension of class analysis,’ Candace agrees.
‘She thinks that because of mybackground,’ my voice drips with sarcasm, ‘that I don’t get to have a say or have an opinion or that I deserve anything of value in life. And heaven forbid I start a relationship withsomeone above my station,’ I curl the first two fingers on each of my hands and hold them up in the air. ‘Who thinks that way anymore?’
‘All the Lornas of the world, unfortunately. And there are still plenty of them out there.’
‘She needs to stop watching so much fucking Downtown Abbey!’ I sit there dejectedly, staring off into space.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Just thinking.’
‘Leyna, listen. You’ve got three choices, give in, give up, or give it all you’ve got. You are a fearless queen. Look at how far you’ve come already? You are so close to catching that dream of yours. You can’t give up now. You can’t let someone like Lorna defeat you before you’ve even got started.’
