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The memory of what their sister went through brought a sharp pain to Eleanor’s heart. “I gather there are ways to prevent…falling with child?”
Lizzy blushed again but answered frankly, “Yes.”
Oh!That answer was a revelation. “Do you love him, your duke?”
Her sister met her gaze. Lizzy’s eyes were clear and unblinking. Eleanor thought she would not have answered, then her sister said, “Would I not be a fool to love him, Ellie?”
Her voice wobbled before she looked away into the fire for the longest moment.
“I do not think it foolish at all to love someone,” Eleanor said, walking over to sit on the sofa closest to her sister. “Especially if he is of a mind to return your regard.”
Lizzy sighed. “You were always an incurable romantic. I suspect you are unable to sleep because you are thinking about one Lucien Glendevon.”
It was Eleanor’s turn to blush, and with a groan, she dropped her head against the cushions and stared up at the ceiling. Quickly she told her sister about dancing with him and their kiss. When she heard no reply, Eleanor looked up to see Lizzy grinning at her.
“I see I will find no sensible advice from you,” Eleanor said with a groan. “You should be berating me and warning me from further foolhardiness, yet you are proud I acted with scandalous recklessness!”
“You mistake the matter,” Lizzy said. “I am proud that you did something that you wanted, Ellie. You are only one and twenty, but ever since papa died…you became mama’s little helper. You placed your family’s needs before all of your desires and wants.”
“I do not,” Eleanor cried. “I love my family, and to take care and protect you all is my duty.”
“And what about caring for yourself?”
She waved a hand. “How have I neglected my wants? I assure you I have not.”
“Did you kiss Mr. Hayford?”
“Kiss two gentleman in one evening?” She demanded, thoroughly aghast. “What manner of lady do you perceive me to be?”
Lizzy’s eyes twinkled. “Did you even think it?”
“I danced with him twice, and I…” Eleanor stood and started to pace, inexplicably out of sorts. “I have not thought about kissing Mr. Hayford.”
“That is why I smiled that you did so with Mr. Glendevon. I have been very worried, also Ester and Emma, that you are handing over your happiness to the old dragon for nonsensical reasons. As papa always said, family first.”
She whirled around. “Exactly, Lizzy, family first! Not our selfish desires that have the potential to ruin our family and our sisters’ and brothers’ chances at many opportunities.”
Lizzy flinched, and painful shadows touched her eyes. Eleanor rushed forward and took her hands between hers. “Oh, Lizzy, I did not mean to—”
“No,” she said softly. “My desire to be with him is selfish, for I know he will not marry me.”
“Everyone has heard the whispering that the duke will select a wife soon. We do not hear your name amongst the ladies whispered about,” Eleanor gently said.
Her face blanched. “Please do not worry about it. When he returns to town in a few weeks, I will end it.”
Lizzy pulled her hands from Eleanor’s grasp and padded away from the library. Her walk was a bit stiff, and Eleanor’s heart ached with the private pain she had just seen in her sister. “Why won’t he marry you?” she demanded.
In the act of opening the door, Lizzy paused and glanced over her shoulder. “Perhaps it is me who does not wish to marry him.”
Eleanor did not believe that. “If you love him, why would you not want to marry him?”
A flash of vulnerability she would never have expected to ever see settled on Lizzy’s face. “Can you imagine me as a duchess?” she said with a strained laugh. “What do I know of such grand aspirations? I had a pet chicken as a child and ran barefoot in the village streets.”
Before Eleanor could rebuff those words, her sister slipped through the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts and endless longing for a man she should not desire.
CHAPTER9
Ellie lowered the newssheet she had been reading to catch up on the latest scandal when Penny entered the smaller sitting room skipping. “You are going to drive Hermina batty,” Eleanor said, stifling a yawn. She’d not received much sleep after staying in the library to read for a couple hours before making it back to her bedchamber.
