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“Hey.” Ben poked his head in the doorway. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
She almost knocked against the wall mirror. At the last minute she managed to stifle a scream. Barely. “You’re the one who should be resting.”
For six feet of muscle, he sure could sneak around. He wore sneakers, and the stairs hadn’t so much as given the smallest creak as he came upstairs.
He tipped his head to the side and shot her that sexy smile that made her toes curl. “Still a little keyed up, so I walked the family room for a few minutes and rechecked the locks and alarm.”
Of course he had. Sounded like him, but she refused to let that could-take-him-home-to-mother look win her over. “Did you kill him?”
“What?” He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “You mean the guy in the garage?”
“Unless there are more bad guys lying around out there?” A chilling thought.
“What kind of man do you think I am?” All amusement vanished from Ben’s face. Tiny lines appeared around his mouth.
She thought they might be from stress. No wonder, since the entire evening was an invitation to a heart attack. “I have no idea.”
“How about thinking I’m the guy who saved you?” He held up two fingers and stepped in closer. “Twice.”
Without thinking, she moved back. When he frowned, she knew he’d noticed the shift away from him.
Guilt whirled around her. Despite the gun and the job, he’d never actually scared her. She’d been unsure of him and worried he hid a side that could rear up at any moment, but their date had been so freeing. So fun and relaxed.
Nerves had made her fold her hands on her lap to keep from fumbling and knocking over a water glass or something equally embarrassing at the table. But his charm and stories of life aboard a ship had made her laugh out loud.
Truth was she didn’t really know him, and the past few hours had her emotions whipping from grateful to wary. No sane woman fought off a man who saved her life. But the ease with which he accepted violence took her mind spiraling down a dark path.
She forced her feet to stop moving. “Look, I’m not trying to be a jerk about this and know I’m failing.”
“You’re just tired.”
His hands landed on her shoulders and his thumbs massaged her joints. The gentle touch lulled her, reeled her in. She wanted to slip into his arms and forget her worries.
When she felt his breath across her cheek, she blinked. She was practically on top of him.
With a hand on his chest, she stepped back, breaking his hold. “Ben, I can’t do this.”
He held up his good hand, as if in surrender. “I won’t try to kiss you. I mean, I want to and without the newest attack I’d planned to tonight, but the timing stinks.”
She added his cute rambling to the list of things she liked about him. But the “con” list sent up a flashing red warning light she couldn’t ignore. “I mean this, the violence, the shooting. Worrying you’ll lose control and do something crazy. All of it.”
His hands dropped to his sides. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve lived through this before.” The words ripped out of her, actually felt as if they tore at her throat as she admitted them. “I can’t do it again.”
“Lived through what exactly?”
On top of everything, she couldn’t drag that baggage out and paw through it. “Can you stand there and tell me this—the attacks—aren’t because of you?”
His face went blank. “I have no idea.”
But she had her answer. He clearly thought he was the cause. She’d seen him for weeks at the hospital as he guarded that other man. Watched him a bit too closely, but she’d seen the practiced look before. Blank meant he purposely wanted to hide his feelings.
Another con.
“We went out and I got attacked. We came here and attackers came again.” It sounded pretty obvious when she spelled it out like that. “I’m a nurse who works long shifts and, except for the occasional drinks with the girls, lives a boring life. That’s how I want it.”
But did she? She’d been repeating the mantra in her brain so frequently for a year that she now wondered if she’d finally fooled herself into believing it.
The best part of the past few months had been flirting with Ben. At the hospital, on the phone. When he stopped by and just happened to be in the hospital cafeteria getting coffee during her breaks.
She’d started timing her life around those meetings. She realized that now. The attention flattered her. The thought of not seeing him for days, or longer, started an ache in her chest that weighed down her whole body.
