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“No,” I growled frantically, grasping for another handhold. “No, no, no, get away from me!”
I didn’t know if the voice was real. The acid was still warping my vision, creating fractals and bizarre colors in the dark. None of this felt real. This was just a nightmare, and any second, I’d wake up.
I had to wake up.
Sobs wracked my chest as I reached the boards over the mine shaft entrance. I grabbed onto them, the first solid thing I’d felt in those long, painful minutes of climbing. There was space between the boards, enough for me to stick my arm through and wave it weakly in the rain.
“Help me.” My voice was barely a squeak, even though I tried to scream. “Please...please...somebody help me…” I pressed my shoulder against the boards, my feet slipping in the mud as I tried to get some leverage. The boards didn’t even wiggle. I couldn’t squeeze between them. Desperately, I dug my fingers into the dirt beneath. I could dig out. I had to.
Then, in the darkness, I saw a white cloak approaching.
Their hood was pulled up, and I couldn’t see their face in the dark. I gripped the boards, my heart hammering against my ribs. I should have known they’d be waiting for me, to make sure I didn’t escape. But I wouldn’t go back into the dark. They couldn’t make me. They’d have to kill me if they wanted to throw me back down there.
I felt like a cornered animal as I swung my fist at them through the boards, growling, “Get away! Don’t you fucking come near me!”
“Keep your voice down.”
The voice was familiar, but I couldn’t put a face to it. Soft-spoken and gentle, it still triggered a deep and smothering panic in me as the figure laid their hands against the boards blocking me in. I thought they were checking their sturdiness, ensuring I wasn’t about to escape.
When the boards fell away, as if the nails in them had vanished, I froze in complete disbelief.
But only for a second. Then I was up, scrambling to my feet. I shoved them out of my way as hard as I could, I tried to run —
They grabbed my arm, fingers digging into my skin. I thrashed against them, I tried to scratch their face, I balled up my fists. Their hood fell back as they struggled against me, and I realized who it was.
Heidi Laverne.
I froze for a moment in utter terror, before I went at her with renewed viciousness, snarling like an animal. She’d done this. She’d stood there beside Kent; she’d watched in silence; she’d let them do this to me! But something strange coiled around my arms, some invisible force that restrained my fists and anchored my feet. I spat at her. I cursed her. I threatened her with every violent thing that sprang to my mind.
“Give me a moment,” she said desperately, her eyes wide as she nervously glanced back. “Please, child, just a moment.”
She reached out for me, laying her hands against my forehead. I couldn’t move away. I couldn’t fight her. But a bizarre moment of perfect calm swept over me, beating back my terror, making my tense arms go limp. Her hand was warm. She smelled like lavender and lilac.
“You will be hunted,” she whispered quickly, still glancing around as if she feared someone would come upon us at any moment. “A monster will be sent after you, to take you back underground. He won’t see you, child, as long as you run.”
She let go of me, and the strange restraints released me. I stumbled back, the feeling of calm instantly disappearing and cold fear taking its place.
“Go,” she said. “Run. Don’t stop. No matter what you see, don’t stop running.”
“I ran all night. I’ve heard that people can get super strength when they’re scared, like mothers pulling cars off their children. Whatever causes that...whatever crazy adrenaline rush that is...that’s what I felt. Everything hurt and I just kept running.”
I paused. The last time I’d told anyone this, they’d laughed at me. When I told it again, they told me I’d hallucinated. They even told me Heidi wasn’t even in Washington, that she’d gone to visit friends in Alaska so she couldn’t have been there in the woods.
But I knew what happened to me. Even if I hadn’t known why, even if it made no sense. I hadn’t imagined it.
Zane wasn’t looking at me with disbelief. He was just nodding, slowly, his eyes narrowed. There was nothing comfortable about telling him this. But there was relief in getting it out.
“She was right — a monster came after me. I kept seeing him...seeing his eyes in the dark. He looked terrifying.” I swallowed hard. Right in front of me sat a demon with claws, bright eyes, and sharp teeth; but back then, in the dark, I hadn’t known anything like that existed. The thing I’d seen chasing me had been a monster straight out of my nightmares. “I should have died. I was meant to. But here I am. Alive, even though I fucked up so many times. That’s why I say I don’t deserve it. Because every day since then, I’ve earned survival. I’veearnedstaying alive. When I do nothing... when I let someone else help me...it’s like I didn’t earn it. And I don’t deserve it.”
I didn’t want him to look at me with pity. I didn’t need any sympathy. I just wanted to say it. I just wanted it understood. My brain worked in fucked up ways, and I didn’t know how to fix it. But if I was going to be vulnerable, I figured I’d go all the way.
There was still a part of me that feared he would laugh, and God, that would be worse than pity.
“I shouldn’t have told you that,” I said quickly. “I don’t think this shit would make sense to a demon anyway. Probably sounds ridiculous.”
I looked up, finally, my expression hardened so if he laughed, at least he wouldn’t get to see that it hurt. But he wasn’t laughing. I didn’t know what the expression was I saw on his face, only that it felt gentle despite the bright eyes and sharp teeth.
“I’ve been alive for somewhere near a thousand years,” he said. The declaration caught me off guard, and I stared, speechless. “Not nearly as long as some. But long enough to see hundreds of thousands of human lives come and go. The fall of kingdoms, armies wiped out — I’ve been involved in a few.” He smirked, but his expression quickly sobered again. “Deserving has nothing to do with it, Juniper. Whatever force of will that brought me into existence, brought you into existence too. Fuck, what did I do to deserve eternity when your natural life is so short?” He shook his head. “It has nothing to do with what you deserve. Life itself is probably just a spontaneous abnormality in this chaotic universe, but here it is. It’s ours regardless. I know you humans like to look for purpose; some demons end up doing that too. We all want to knowwhy, at some point.”
