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We flicked on the lights, and everything was warm. It was quiet — it felt safe and familiar. As soon as the door clicked shut behind me, and I threw the deadbolt into place, I sighed. The tension in my back eased.
“Damn,” I said it softly, barely even realizing I’d given voice to the word. But Zane turned back toward me, curiously.
“What is it?”
“It’s just...it’s good to be back,” I said. He walked a little closer, with a curious, mischievous curve at the edge of his mouth.
“Is it?” He tucked a stray lock of hair back behind my ear and rubbed his fingers over the short fuzz of my undercut. “Why is that?”
I narrowed my eyes, barely restraining a shiver at his gentle touch. “You know why.”
“Oh, do I?” He pressed me back a little more, his body up against mine. “I’d rather hear you explain it.”
“I’d rather you shut up.” I couldn’t even manage to say it viciously. Damn, I’d lost my touch. He chuckled.
“I can’t properly harass you if I shut up now, can I?”
“Oh, I’m sure you’d find a way.” He stroked his fingers down my face and under my chin, and I grabbed his wrist. But as I did, I noticed the bruises there that I hadn’t before: dark purple marks across his flesh, faded to yellow in spots but still angry in others.
It twisted my stomach. Even knowing he was here and safe, it made me furious to see the marks lingering.
“It wasn’t the first time I’ve been in chains, little wolf,” he said, grinning as he captured my attention back from staring at his bruises. “But I’d rather you restrain me any day, than that winged asshole.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Is that what you were thinking of while we were separated? You were off somewhere in chains, wishing I was the one pushing you around?”
“Something like that.” He lowered his head, looking at my fingers around his bruised wrist. “What would you think of that, hm? I demanded your body and soul when we made this deal. I demanded your submission.” He laughed, as if he realized now just how impossible that particular demand had been. “What if I wanted your dominance too?”
I looked at him skeptically, certain he was fucking with me. “You would wantmeto commandyou? I have a hard time believing that.”
“Why? We demons crave all stimulation. We crave the new, the unusual, pain and pleasure both. You know I like pain, Juniper. I think you can understand why pain can be ecstasy...and why it can be a relief. Why entrusting control to another can feel freeing.”
He put into words what I couldn’t. After so many years clinging to control, gripping it as if it was my single lifeline, giving it up to him felt like taking a heavy sigh, like untensing my body after a long day. It was strange to think he understood that.
But perhaps that was part of why I’d learned to trust him. He understood what he was doing. He knew how it felt, he understood my unspoken desire intimately because he experienced it too.
“I can’t control you,” I said. “I’m just a human.”
“Control isn’t all about physical strength now, is it?” He took a step back, and I followed him into the living room. The warm interior lights made the outdoors black as ink, and he pressed a button on the wall that drew all the curtains closed over the massive windows. He turned to face me again, and in the lamplight, I could see even more of his injuries. It wasn’t just the bruises on his wrists, but on his throat and his face too.
“Control is about force of will,” he said. “It’s about your will, and my will, in unison for what we desire. You’re fierce, Juniper. Not even a God could force your submission, so I certainly can’t.” He chuckled softly. “It’s not about that. You’ve given me control because you’ve wanted to. I can do the same.” The lingering smile on his face sobered for a moment. “They put me in chains to keep me away from you. That’s not a feeling I enjoyed. It’s still there.” He traced the bruises on his wrists, curiously, a frown on his face. “I’d prefer to replace that feeling. I’d prefer that you help me do that.”
Suddenly, he was pressed against me again. His hands cradled my head, his sharp teeth smiled down at me, as he said, “Tell me why you sighed with relief when you walked in that door, and I’ll give you control tonight. I think we both could use the outlet.”
I’d never imagined he’d even offer that. I’d played both roles in the past — I could submit when it felt right, I could dominate when allowed. They both fulfilled something different — different but intertwined, two halves of the same coin, two faces for the same deep need. The way he’d put it felt right to me: these games we played weren’t about physical strength, even though that could play a part in it. They were about willingness and desire. They were about relief and release.
But of course he had to be difficult about it. He had to demand I give a little of my precious, protected vulnerability, before he gave me his.
“This house feels like home,” I said, holding my chin up in defiant pride. “I haven’t had that in a long time. So I sighed. Because I feel good. Because I feel happy.” That last sentence came out viciously. I’d gone a damn long time without daring to say anything like that, so now that I claimed it, I’d defend it. I’d wield my happiness like a bludgeon to hurt anyone who dared to try to take it. “I’m happy we’re alive. I’m happy we made it out. I’m happy that...that I finally…” I swallowed. “That I finally feel like there was a reason I survived.”
He nodded, his pupils swelling with pleasure the longer he looked at me. “My little wolf gets braver every day,” he said. “You’re brave enough now to be as viciously happy as you are angry. Now…” His eyes darkened, and my core tightened with need. He stepped behind me, just out of my sight, his words a breath on the back of my neck. “Do you still want me to shut up?”
I grinned, my anticipation growing. “Always.”
He was gone and back before I even realized he’d left. He dropped something heavy on the coffee table, turned to me with a smug smirk, and said, “Make me.”
I was staring at the item he’d dropped, wide-eyed: two black leather straps attached to a shining silver ball. “Is that ametalball gag?”
“You’re not the first being to want me to shut up,” he said.
