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The words slithered around my stomach. Fighting was useless anyway, there was no way I could overcome them. Vincent would bind me too tightly to ever get away.
But I wanted more. More pleasure, more stimulation…more fear. I wanted to feel the thrill of being bound and helpless. I wanted to completely lose control.
“The dirty little slut likes it, doesn’t she?”I imagined Lucas’svoice saying the words, deep and rough. He’d always been so damn unpredictable. Angry, heartless — he fucking hated my guts, but that made it even better.
I moved my fingers faster, trying to resist holding my breath. I envisioned Manson standing over me, that crooked smile on his face. God, he would love to watch me squirm as the others used me. I was a toy to be used, merely holes to be filled. The thought made me tingle from head to toe.
In my fantasy, Manson grasped my throat and whispered,“I’m going to watch them fucking destroy you, angel.”
Destroy me. Ruin me. Force me into the corruption I craved.
I wanted to feel like I was being punished. Punished for treating them like shit in high school and then being just as awful when I met them later. Punished for making decisions I regretted but couldn’t change.
I pressed my hand over my mouth before a moan could slip out. But I imagined it was Vincent’s hand instead, and he was scolding me in that playfully sarcastic voice of his.
“Sshh, don’t be too loud now. You wouldn’t want Mommy and Daddy to hear, would you?”
My toes curled. Liquid heat rushed through my veins, searing me from the inside out. For a few moments, my mind blanked out, filled only with that perfect explosion of ecstasy. I was left dazed in the afterglow, my tension melting away and my muscles going limp.
Maybe now I could finally get some sleep.
I pulled up the covers, but the fantasies didn’t leave me as easily as my satisfied lust. They were still there, lurking in my dreams.
I’d ghosted them, and yet I was the one who felt haunted.
The next few days passed in a blur. By the morning of July4th, my mom’s team of volunteers had completely transformed the empty field alongside the church. There were game booths, bouncy houses, and face painting. The rich greasy smell of burgers and hotdogs filled the air, smoke from the grills wafting through the crowds.
I worked the ring toss game for most of the morning, and wrangling the kids quickly grew tiring. I’d never been particularly good with children, but I also wasn’t a very patient person. My mom used to scold me for it constantly.
Luckily, a familiar voice drew my attention in the midst of my boredom. “Stuck with volunteer duty, huh?”
I stood up from collecting the plastic rings strewn in the grass to see one of my old classmates, Danielle, smiling at me from the front of the game booth.
“Hey, girl! Long time, no see!” Danielle and I had been on the cheerleading team together in high school, and we’d kept up casual contact since then. She could be an absolutely ruthless bitch, but we’d always gotten along.
We both had too much dirt on each other to risknotgetting along.
“My mom generously volunteered my time,” I said, rolling my eyes. “At least I didn’t get stuck with the face-painting booth.”
“You’d be poking kids’ eyes out with those claws,” she said, eyeing my signature acrylic nails. “So, you’re back with your parents, huh? Rough shit. I can’t imagine moving back in with my family now that Nate and I are living together. My mom and I would probably murder each other.”
Danielle and Nate had gotten engaged last year. They’d been high school sweethearts, so I couldn’t say it was a surprise. The only real surprise was that Danielle was settling down at all.
“Oh yeah, you already get it,” I said. “If I end up arrested…you’ll know why. I need to get myself out of that house again, ASAP.”
“You’re coming to the bonfire tonight, right?” she said, stepping aside and glaring at the little kid who was eagerly reaching for his turn with the rings.
“Bonfire?” I said. “I didn’t know about it.”
“Oh, you’ve got to come!” She pulled out her phone. “Your number is still the same, right? I’ll send you the details. We should have a good view of the fireworks, too.Everyoneis going to be there. It’ll be like old times. Plus, Nate and I live really close, so you’re totally welcome to crash at our place after.” Her phone chimed, and she sighed as she read the message. “Oops, I have to get going. Nate wants another damn twenty-four pack of Coors.” She rolled her eyes. “Just what I wanted to be doing — shopping for beer on the 4th.”
“See you later, girl.” I waved as she left. A night out was exactly what I needed. I could have a few drinks, catch up with everyone, and watch the fireworks. It would be a nice opportunity to get my mind off…other things.
I managed to slip away from the festival after a few more hours when one of the other volunteers took my place. I had just enough time to shower and change before the bonfire. I didn’t anticipate it being very cold that night, but a light jacket over my crop top and jeans would be enough. Most of my clothes were still packed and I didn’t feel like rummaging through the boxes, but there were only a few choices in my closet.
My hand trailed over a soft black hoodie and I plucked it from its hanger. It was too big for me, but it wasn’t mine. The back was emblazoned with a black sheep wearing a wolf’s head hood. I glanced at my closed door, as if I was a teen again doing something wrong, before I brought the hoodie to my nose and deeply inhaled.
Maybe it was my imagination, but even after all these years, I swore it still smelled like him.
