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54 Miranda
THE TAILLIGHTS ON the 101 put me in a trance while I stared out the window. How in the hell had I become a woman who allowed her man to cheat on her? It wasn’t like I was desperate to have a man—quite the opposite. I hadn’t wanted a man at all before meeting Will.
And it wasn’t like he was the only man on the planet. I could find someone new like Tate had said. Hell, I had a lot going for me. I was attractive, a successful business owner, smart, fun, and loyal.
Loyal to a fault, like a freaking idiot.
Why wasn’t I enough for Will?
He used to tell me I was his perfect match in mind, body, and soul. My physical attributes might have drawn him to me at first, but it had been my caring nature and passionate personality that had sealed it for him.
Admittedly, to some, I was a bit of a control freak and uptight. If I weren’t, my business would have flopped. It took a certain kind of temperament to do what I did and do it well. Planning a couples’ most important day didn’t allow for mistakes. I had to be on top of everything, and like Lily had always said, “We’re in the business of creating perfection for bridezilla.” It wasn’t entirely true—most brides were wonderful to work with—but there had been several bad seeds in the mix.
My job was certainly not for the faint of heart.
“Are you going to talk to me at all?” Lily’s voice cut through my thoughts.
“Do you think I’ve changed a lot over the last year? Or maybe all the hours I put in and the stress of our growing business has taken its toll on me?”
“You’re joking, right? You’re beautiful, sweets.Smart and intelligent on top of your good looks.”
I ate up her compliments. I hadn’t always dressed trendy, and my addiction to high-end handbags and shoes had exploded after the SJI gala, much like Will and his Armani suits and fancy cars, except he had been born into a billion-dollar empire. His taste for the finer things in life flowed through his veins. It came with the St. James name.
“Do you think I’m too fussy about dirt and bugs? I hate to say it, but maybe I’m a littletoohigh-maintenance. For some men it’s a real turn-off.” Maybe it was my perceived shortcomings that had driven Will into the arms of another woman?
“What are you talking about? Who isn’t fussy about dirt and bugs?” She laughed, tossing her head back.
“I don’t know. Just thinking about stuff. I need to be honest with myself. Maybe Will wants more… or needs more.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! Will struck gold with you.”
“Stop it! You have to say that because you’re my best friend. Listen to me and try to be unbiased.”
Lily stuck out her tongue, showing her frustration. It was juvenile for sure but totally Lily.
“I’m not the most adventurous person. I’m claustrophobic, which prevents me from doing a lot of things. I have a strong aversion to heights and bugs. When Will’s mentioned jumping out of planes and hiking, I shut that crazy talk down. I won’t even bring up BJs.”
“No, no, no! Will understands your fears of heights, bugs, and small spaces. No shame in that. He’s an asshole for sure, but he isn’t an insensitive dick, and giving him a blow job isn’t the be all end all. He’s already assured you of that. Jesus, I can’t believe I’m defending him!”
“I like that you’re defending him,” I admitted with a smile. Maybe Lily was right, and my aversion to falling out of planes or all things wildlife and giving blow jobs didn’t bother Will.
Correction. She said Willunderstoodmy fears, not that he was okay with them.
Now that I thought of it, I couldn’t recall a time Will had ever said he wished I would be more outdoorsy. He’d certainly never teased me about my fear of bugs; he had said he found it enduring. Had he lied? Did it really bother him, and he never said anything?
Was the other woman outdoorsy? Did she give him blow jobs?
A lump lodged in my throat.
I bet she did.
What else about me didn’t Will like? Was I too thin or not big breasted enough? Holy shit, what if I wasn’t at all what Will wanted anymore? It would be tragic.
It would also explain why he’d found someone else. If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t have cheated.
“This wasn’t exactly what I wanted to talk about.” Lily jerked me out of my mental dissection of Will and me. At least she got to me before I had a full-blown pity party.
“What do you want to talk about?” As if I didn’t know.
