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Will: Everything is a go tomorrow. I’ll meet you at the airport at 10.
Axel: Ok. Thx.
Fuck, this was really happening. I knew it was, but a part of me was praying this was all a horrible dream.
I hopped into the driver’s side and Simone was grinning. “So what’s one thing you’d want to do before you die?”
I started the truck and drove off. I should have expected the same question in return. There were dozens of things I’d want to do, but none came to mind while put on the spot.
She took my hand and fiddled with my fingers, blissfully unaware of the turmoil I was in. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“That’s a hard question.”
She bobbed her head. “It is.”
“This will probably sound dumb.”
“Nothing is dumb. Just say it.”
“Before I die, I want to have a real Christmas with my brother. And with you.”
“What do you mean, a real Christmas?” Her thumb stroked the top of my hand. The hairs on my arms stood like the needles of a porcupine.
I swallowed the emotion building in my throat. We were at a stoplight. I turned toward Simone, and her eyes were glossy. Love continued to pour out of her in abundance every day I was with her. No matter what I said or did, she accepted me, loved me, and now it seemed she hurt for me. I didn’t deserve her, but I wasn’t about to shut down. I’d continue to give her pieces of me while I could.
“Growing up, we never had money. My mom blew what little we had on her latest fix.” I shrugged, glancing away. “Then, when I was in the army, I didn’t know shit about anything. The holidays were lame afterthoughts. A hodgepodge of dollar store items and frozen turkey dinners.” The light finally turned green, so I turned my attention back to driving.
“What kind of things do you want to do for your real Christmas?” She squeezed my hand as if trying to keep me from falling into despair, but I was already there.
I kept my eyes on the road after hearing the sadness in her voice.
“I guess an old-fashioned kind of Christmas. Go out, cut down a tree, and decorate it while listening to Bing Crosby and drinking hot chocolate. I’d want to prepare a huge feast and have lots of presents. You know, all the things.” I gripped the steering wheel firmly with one hand to hold myself together as she laced our fingers together with the other.
People died every hour, minute, and second of the day in accidents and natural disasters. Children’s lives were cut short because of cancer and other illnesses. I shouldn’t feel like I was getting a raw deal. I volunteered to take Conrad’s place to save his life. But each minute I spent with Simone, I saw what I could have had. What I was giving up for my brother. My splintered heart would be ash by morning from the unbearable pain blazing inside it.
“It sounds perfect. We’ll do it all this year. We only ever had an artificial tree at the mansion. When I bought the loft, it never occurred to me to get anything other than a fake, pre-lit tree. But I want to experience your real Christmas with you and your brother.” She lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. “We’ll do all the things. It will be the best Christmas either of us have ever had.”
I nearly broke into a sob on the spot. Her sweetness and zeal for life were more than I could take. I needed a moment to myself to rage and maybe cry.
I pulled the truck in front of her building and put it in park.
“What are you doing?”
I turned toward her and lifted her hand to my lips. “I have a couple of errands to run. Darwin is still at your door. You’re safe.” I kissed her hand again.
“Are these errands really work? Something I can’t do with you?”
“Yes, baby. But I won’t be gone long. Maybe an hour or two, depending on traffic. Call me if you need anything. I’ll come running.”
“I’ll be okay. You do what you need to do.” She leaned toward me for a kiss.
I buried my fingers in her soft hair and inhaled her into my soul. It was so easy to get lost in her when our lips were locked together, tongues playing a game I wished would never end. Her passion for life and sweetness made me forget about everything outside the two of us.
She ended the kiss before me. Her eyes were slightly dilated, arousal painting her cheeks red. If I didn’t need to see Conrad one last time, I would take her to bed and stay there until morning.
“I won’t be long.”
“I’ll be here waiting with bated breath.”
