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“You need to talk to her.” Lynx’s irritated voice cut through the quiet like a chainsaw.
“No.” I ground my back molars.
Track tapped his thumb on his knee. “She’s worried about you.”
“She doesn’t need to be.”
Lynx elbowed me. “Don’t shut her out, man. She’s a good woman. The best woman any one of us assholes has ever found.” He snorted and elbowed me again. “You don’t give someone like her up. She loves you, brother.”
I tried to ignore Lynx, but the fucker always talked sense. It made it hard to tune him out.
Did Madeline love me? It felt like she did, but we never said the L-word. Until tonight, I never thought we needed to. I claimed her and put my mark on her. She was my Angel. The only woman I wanted to share my life with. Who I wanted to have my babies. Her sweet voice swirled in my ears while I thought about her confession of stopping her birth control. She could be pregnant right now.
Track tapped out a message on his cell phone. “Raul wants to know what you want him to do with her. Her brother and girlfriends are still with her. Sugar too.”
“What do you mean, do with her?” I kept my gaze on the lake so my brothers didn’t see my glossy eyes. Even with them sitting beside me, I felt empty and alone.
Track put the phone down. “You want him to let her stay at the club? In your room?”
“She’s my ol’ lady. She bears my mark, for Christ’s sake. The clubhouse is her home.” I squeezed my head between my hands.
“But if you want her gone, he’ll get rid of her. Make her leave,” Track went on. I nearly punched him in the mouth.
“She didn’t deceive you, man,” Lynx cut in.
“I know…” I gritted out.
“Then what’s keeping you from going back to talk to her?” Lynx fisted his hands, getting defensive for Madeline. He had a soft spot for her. Hell, everyone did.
I turned toward Track. “I can’t see her right now.” I swallowed down bile before it got into my throat. The very thought of being face to face with Madeline made me nauseous. “I need time. Move her into a guest room and tell her not to bother me. I’ll call her when I’m ready.”
Track nodded and stood with his cell phone in hand. “I’ll handle it.”
“Stubborn motherfucker,” Lynx muttered. He didn’t know the half of it.
For a dozen years, I’d kept my emotions buried. Locked away under the weight of extreme guilt and regret so I wouldn’t experience any joy or happiness. I punished myself for Tommy’s death, believing I didn’t deserve anything good because of my greatest sin.
I hated myself for being the selfish little prick who was more concerned about getting laid than the fear in a boy’s eyes. I should’ve cared more about his well being. Cared more about his family. The little girl who adored me. My selfish actions destroyed a family and broke the hearts of four people I cared about.
Since then, I had kept relationships with anyone other than my brothers one-dimensional… Madeline changed everything.
I never considered love, marriage, or children…until Madeline.
I never needed a woman…until Madeline.
How could I live without her when I fuckin’ needed her more than the air I breathed?
I took another drink and fell onto my back like a drowned rat. I stared at the inky sky. A life without my Angel would be bleak and dismal.
Stupid-ass tears battled to be set free. I blinked them back, trying to hide how pathetic I was.
Madeline’s parents would never want her with me. When I killed Tommy, everything had changed, and I was shipped off to my Uncle Matt here in Minnesota. Seeing Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton would open old wounds. I didn’t want to hurt them any more than I already had.
I killed their little boy, for Christ’s sake.
Darkness swallowed me whole. I didn’t deserve the love of a good woman, especially not Maddy Hamilton’s. Even if she found it in her heart to forgive me and still wanted me, how could I let her? Being with me was dangerous. Now that I knew who she was, I worried I wouldn’t be able to love her right. What if something were to happen and I couldn’t think clearly enough to protect her? What if the monster I locked deep inside came roaring out of me? I didn’t know what I would do. Finding out who she was changed everything. I couldn’t put her in jeopardy. Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton already lost one child because of me. No chance in hell would I let them lose another.
I loved Madeline more than life itself. She deserved so much better than me. It would kill me, but I had to let her go.
