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“Come here, Sugar.” Justin pulled me into his arms. He’d been there the night my dad had come to the clubhouse to tell me Johnny was gone. Justin had helped Matt rid Bastion Township of the meth dealers. He’d seen me devastated and mourning my brother. “I’ll take the test, but I don’t want Emilee and Dodge to know anything about this.”
I nodded, letting him comfort me, relishing his strong arms around me. I needed physical touch, tenderness, and love. I was so lonely… Sadly, there was no one I could turn to.
Well, there was, but I couldn’t give in to my desires. I had to stay away from Art, or I’d end up wholly shattered.
“I’ll give you Mickey’s phone number.” I released him and stepped back. “Just go easy on her. She’s out of her mind with worry for Jax.”
“Do you think she’d want to see me?” He scratched his chin. “I could go to Arizona.”
“You sure you want to do that, brother?” Storm sat in his chair. “Emilee is due soon.”
“Dammit, you’re right.” Justin looked at me. “I’ll call her and get the paternity test done.” He handed me his cell phone.
I put Mickey’s number into his contacts. My hands were shaking and nausea percolated in my stomach. Justin seemed confident Jax wasn’t his, which meant Johnny was the father. For twenty years, a piece of my brother had been in the world, and I never knew about him. My poor dad. I had no idea how he would take the news.
Storm rocked in his chair. “All right, I need to get home to my family. Angel isn’t thrilled about the meeting with Deek.”
“Are you expecting any trouble?” My stomach twisted into a knot. I didn’t want to come out and ask if Art was going. It was a logical assumption. Track was in Montana guarding Tina’s daughter Brynne. Art had taken over his road captain duties. It kept him busy, which was good for me to avoid him. But I didn’t want him in any danger.
Storm shrugged. “No idea. Anything is possible. He assured me I had nothing to worry about. It’ll only be him and another guy.”
“Who are you taking with you? Maddox?” I was sure Maddox wasn’t going, but I had to poke around to find out about Art.
“No, I’m keeping him here. Hero, Ire, and Hollywood are going.” Storm stood and went to the door. “Let me know if you need anything, brother. You too, Sugar.” He nodded and left.
Justin put his arm around me. “Buy you a drink?”
“A drink would be much appreciated.” A lobotomy might be better at severing my emotional response to life. I was so tired of going through the motions. Sad more days than I was happy. All the love sprouting from every corner in the club was shoved in my face daily. It was suffocating.
Bitterness, anger, and hopelessness flowed through my body.
It’s not fair. I want to be in love too.
Art was at the bar when Justin and I entered. Our eyes connected. He didn’t look happy to see Justin touching me. I would feel the same way if a kitten was all over him, especially after he’d owned me in the women’s bathroom. Art had promised he would never give up on me. It would be selfish to wish he meant it and hold him to it.
I had noticed when he’d stopped playing with the club girls. It’d been around the same time I’d ended things with Jack. We had seemingly come to the same place at the same time, yet we couldn’t act on our desires. Well, I couldn’t. Art would have no problem showing the world how he felt. I was beyond grateful he’d kept quiet about our mutual attraction. He wasn’t a fool. The whole club could turn against him, not only over his age. I was Matt’s wife. The guys who’d known my husband would be loyal to his memory.
Although, Storm had sounded like it would’ve been okay for me to be with one of the members. Justin or Wolf were the only two who, age-wise, would be acceptable.
God, I couldn’t imagine what everyone would think if they discovered Art and me.
I sat at a table while Justin went to get our drinks. The bar was quiet, which was typical during the week. There weren’t as many single people anymore. The vibe in the club had changed with Storm a couple of years ago. Once the Prez fell in love, it was all downhill from there.
Falling in love wasn’t a bad thing. I was genuinely happy for Storm and the others. I loved having babies in the clubhouse again. The only problem was, I wanted a baby of my own.
When Maddox and Markey had turned ten, Matt and I had tried for another child. A year passed, and no baby. While I was lamenting over it, Matt had started having bathroom issues. He’d hidden it from me for nine months before he’d confessed to not feeling well. Patch had examined him and suggested Matt go to a gastroenterologist, and so began my beloved’s battle with colon cancer.
I swallowed the emotion in my throat as I thought of all I’d lost when Matt died. It didn’t matter that I had the boys or a dozen people around or more on any given day at the clubhouse. My soul mate was gone. He’d left me alone after promising to always be with me.
My heart and soul had perished with him.
How could God take my beautiful man from me? Why? What had I done wrong in my life to lose three people I loved dearly?
I flinched when Justin sidled up beside me and quickly got myself under control.
“Here you are, Sugar.” He set a glass of whiskey in front of me and took up a chair. “How are you doing with all this?”
I swirled the amber liquid in my glass and blew out a breath. “Not well.” I might as well be honest. Of course, he didn’t know what kind of chaos played in my head.
