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“I didn’t want anyone to think of us that way. You know, unmarried.”
“Why not?” Now I truly was astonished.
Abe unlocked the door, opened it, and waved me in. “Because I would’ve married you before having sex if you would’ve agreed to it.” He shut the door and bolted it. “But you want out wedding to be on the first snowfall. I’ll be dammed if I wait any longer to have you.”
Ah, there was the impatient man I knew and loved. “You’re precious.” I took in the pretty room. King-sized bed with pristine white linens, a corner fireplace, and a magical view of the mountains.
“I’m nowhere close to precious, baby. All this”—he looked around the room—“is for you. Not me. I would’ve been a happy man fuckin’ you on the back of my hog.”
“You could’ve.” I tittered. “I wouldn’t have complained.”
“You deserve better than a dirty fuck the first time you have sex.” He tugged me into his arms and stared into my eyes. “I don’t deserve you, Karma. I’m trying, but I’m not a stellar pick.”
“Shut up, Abe. We aren’t going to have this conversation again. I choose you and love you with every cell in my body.”
“I just want you to be sure. Once I have you, I ain’t ever letting you go. You’ll be mine forever.” He dropped a kiss on my lips. “I’ve done some bad shit. I’m not a good choice for someone as sweet as you, and I’m sure as hell, not a nice guy.”
“You’re good to me, though.”
“I’ll probably piss you off all the time. Make you cry when I say or do something boneheaded.”
“Are you trying to talk me out of being with you?” Because honestly, he was making me second guess myself. No, not really. Abe was it for me. He was my future.
“I just want you to know what you’re getting with me. I’ll be president within five or six years. That means the club will occupy a lot more of my time.”
“I know. We’ve hashed this out dozens of times. Maybe you’re the one who isn’t sure.” I pushed him away, my chest tightening. “Is that it, Abe? Have you changed your mind about me? After everything, do you think I’m too young to be your queen?” I couldn’t believe this was happening. Was he having a change of heart?
He stared at me with a stricken expression.
“Oh Jesus, you don’t want me after all.” I turned on my heel and bolted for the door.
“Stop!” He caged me against the wall before I could escape. “Dammit, Karma. I haven’t changed my mind.”
“I don’t believe you.” Tears rolled down my face. “You hesitated.”
“Of course I did. I only want the best for you because I love you. I know the life I’m bringing you into. It’s messy and dangerous.”
I shook as I held in a sob. His arms wrapped around my waist as he curled his body around mine.
“I want you, baby. I just don’t want to disappoint you.”
“Then don’t.” I turned in his embrace.
“You don’t know the shit I’ve done or will have to do for the club.” He dropped his forehead on my shoulder.
“Okay. Take me home.” Why fight with him? If he was going to keep making excuses now that we were about to go all the way, I was done.
“What?” He lifted his head.
“I’m not going to fight with you, Abe. Or beg you to be with me. It’s not my way, you know that.” Anger and hatred messed with my mojo. They were poisons in our blood that made us ugly people. I wouldn’t even let myself curse my parents for how they treated me. I’d rather cut them out of my life, like I would a toxic fungus growing on my arm.
And I’d never beg a man to be with me.
“Shit, I’m acting like a pussy. How will I be president of the club if I can’t manage my personal life?”
“When it comes to the club, you’ll be great.” I cradled his face in my hands. His family’s club meant more to him than I probably did. Being the president had been his dream since he was a young boy. The club life flowed through his veins like a river. I’d never make him choose between the club and me.
“I just don’t want to fuck you up.”
