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“That’s not gonna happen,” I assured him, though I’d found myself worrying about the same thing lately. There were many possible catastrophic scenarios.
“How do you know that’s not gonna happen?” he asked.
“Okay, I don’t. I don’t really know anything. But I will pray that doesn’t ever happen. And I have faith that good will prevail in the end.”
Colby stared off. “I had a nightmare about it last night. I woke up in the middle of the night sweating. You were asleep. I was glad you didn’t see me like that. But I guess you’re seeing me freaking out about it now anyway.”
I wrapped my hands around his face. “You have every right to freak out, and don’t ever feel like you have to hide anything from me. I’ll take the good, the bad, and the ugly.”
Saylor ran into the room, interrupting our conversation.
“Billie, can we have a story before bed?”
I looked at the clock. Her bedtime was 8:30, and neither of us had realized it was 9 PM already.
“Of course,” I said.
“No book!” she insisted.
“No book again? I’m not that creative, Saylor.”
“No book!” She giggled.
“Okay, no book.” I lifted her up and tickled her. “Let’s go.”
I looked back at Colby who had a smile on his face, despite the lingering fear in his eyes.
Saylor cuddled next to me in her bed. I loved her room at night with the lights off. She had glow-in-the-dark decals on the ceiling that lit up in purple. It was a relaxing place to hang. I had no idea what story to tell her, so I started with a simple sentence. “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little bird.” Then I just started making shit up as I went along. “The little bird lived safely in a nest atop a tree with her family.”
Saylor’s eyes were like saucers as she looked up at me, eager for the next line. She was so stinking cute.
“One day, a big hawk came and tried to take the baby bird away.”
Jesus. Art imitating life anyone? Apparently, I had a one-track mind.
“Why?” she asked.
Because she’s an opportunistic bitch. “Because the hawk wanted the nest. She was using the baby bird as a way to get the bird family to give their home to her, even though she had no right to it.”
“That’s so mean.”
“I know. But the story has a happy ending.” I just don’t know how they get there yet.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Well, the hawk took the baby bird, but when she came back to try to get the nest, the big birds got together and flapped their wings so hard and fast that it scared the hawk. The hawk realized she couldn’t bully the birds. So the hawk gave the baby bird back and left.”
“He never came back?”
“She. The hawk was a girl.” Of course, she was. “But no, she never came back, and they all lived happily ever after.”
Saylor yawned and rested her head against me. She was asleep within minutes. That was how riveting my boring story had been.
I decided to stay here for a while and just look at her while she slept. It occurred to me that right now I was the only female in her life besides Colby’s mom and sister. That gave me a sense of responsibility. It felt like my job to protect her, even if that meant protecting her from her own mother.
The impending doom of what I knew had to happen overwhelmed me. A sudden rush of nausea hit, and I removed myself from the bed as swiftly as I could without waking her.
I headed straight for the bathroom and leaned over the toilet, trying not to throw up. I focused on the tattoo of my grandmother’s key on my arm, silently praying to her for strength right now. But a few seconds later, I succumbed to the sick feeling in my stomach, vomiting into the bowl. Well, this day is certainly full of surprises. I could hear Colby’s footsteps coming down the hall.
“Are you okay?” he said, looking panicked and grabbing my hair to hold it back.
I nodded, praying that was the end of it. I didn’t want to puke again in front of him. Because what’s more attractive than that?
“I think it was one and done,” I said, panting into the toilet.
I knew this was the physical manifestation of everything that had been building up inside me today. The love. The fear. The dread. Ultimately, it was the conclusion I’d drawn that had forced the vomit. Because it was literally sickening.
I turned to him and vocalized it. “You need to do it. You need to marry Maya and get it over with. The sooner you do, the sooner we can be done with this.”
CHAPTER 21
Colby
“So tomorrow is the big day, right?” Holden twisted the cap off a beer and slid it across his kitchen table to me. “You have to give Maya your decision?”
