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“What kind of questions?”
“Personal ones. Like, what color toothbrush does your wife have?”
Billie’s eyes bulged. “Oh my God, Colby. How are you supposed to know that?”
“That’s why Maya called. She wanted my email address to send me a questionnaire to fill out. The damn thing is thirty pages, typed. The plan is that we will both fill out the parts that apply to us individually, and I fill out the questions that relate to our relationship so we can swap and memorize each other’s answers.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m supposed to have it back to her by tomorrow morning, and I haven’t gotten past page one. Every time I start to work on it, I feel physically sick.”
“Can I see the questions? Maybe I can help you get it done.”
I met Billie’s eyes. “You sure you want to do that? Some of them are pretty personal, and it might be hard to read.”
She nodded. “I’ll do whatever I can to help because the sooner you pass the interview, the sooner she’s out of our lives.”
I wasn’t sure this was such a good idea, but I got up and got the papers from the drawer in the kitchen anyway. Handing them to Billie, I watched her face closely as she read. The first page was somewhat innocuous. It asked questions like my favorite color, if I slept on my back or stomach, my favorite foods, and how many cups of coffee I drank in the morning. But when she flipped to the next page, I knew those questions would give her pause. And they did. Billie’s eyes grew wide before she began to read out loud.
“Do you come inside your wife or wear a condom? Oh, God, Colby. This is really personal stuff.” She scanned the page a little more. “Your wife’s favorite sexual position?” She shook her head, but kept reading. “Holy shit. Does your wife swallow? Can they really ask things like this? It sounds like the damn officer is planning on getting his rocks off listening to you two answer these questions. How are you supposed to know all this when you only spent one night together years ago?”
I shook my head. “I know. That’s why I haven’t gotten very far.”
Billie was still flipping through the rest of the pages when the alarm I’d set went off. I hit snooze and waited for her to look up at me before taking her hand. “I love that you treat my little girl like she’s your own.”
Her face softened. “You don’t know how badly I wish she were right now, Colby.”
I leaned in and brushed my lips with hers. “I love you, Billie.”
“I love you, too.”
When I pulled back, she sat up taller. “Okay, we need to get this done. Can you grab us a pen, so we can get started?”
“You sure?”
“Very.”
I got a pen from the kitchen, and Billie flipped back to page two. “Here’s what we’re going to do,” she said. “We’re going to answer all of these questions as if they apply to you and me.”
I shook my head vehemently. “No fucking way. I’m not giving that woman or anyone insight into our life.”
“No one is going to know the responses apply to us. And it will be easier for you to remember all the answers if they’re true. Besides, I sort of like that you’ll be thinking of us during the interview, and that Maya is going to unknowingly be pretending to be me.”
I grinned. “That’s a little twisted, but I fucking love it.”
Billie chuckled. “Okay, so let’s run through these. I’ll ask the questions, you answer as if it applies to us, and I’ll write down the answer.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
“Do you come inside your wife or wear a condom?”
“I come inside her because she turns me on so much a condom can’t hold all my jizz. Plus, she trusts me, and she’s on the pill.”
Billie smiled. “I think I’ll skip the jizz part.”
After she finished writing, she looked up again. “What is your wife’s favorite position?”
“Easy. On top.”
“I do like riding you.” She bit her lip. “I was actually thinking maybe next time I can face the other way and you can watch my ass go up and down.”
I closed my eyes and conjured up that visual with a groan. “You’re killing me, woman.”
She giggled. “Next question, does your wife swallow?”
That was it. The thought of Billie on her knees with my cock down her throat was too much to handle. We were going to have to take a quick intermission. I plucked the packet of papers and pen from Billie’s hands and tossed them over my shoulder before scooping her off the couch and into my arms.
“What are you doing?”
“Making sure I get the questions right. How am I supposed to answer your favorite position if you haven’t ridden me reverse cowgirl? You wouldn’t want me to risk failing this test, would you?”
