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“I’m a sure thing?” He didn’t want to talk about whys. He wanted to live in the moment. He couldn’t handle serious talk right now because serious talk set something between them.
“So confident,” she said.
“I thought that’s what you liked about me,” he said, lifting her other arm and washing that one, too. Dropping it back into the soapy water, he wrapped his arms around her, locking her to him. She felt good against him. He could hold her this way forever.
“I like a lot of things about you,” Tess said, laying her arms over his. “I like your confidence, I like the father you are to Emily and I like the way you fill out your running shorts.”
He chuckled. More water moving over her body. Beautiful. “Actually, I joked about confidence. I’m surprised that’s a characteristic you like about me.”
“Everyone has doubts, right?” she said.
At that moment he could see the doubts Tess carried and knew he could put at least one of those to bed. “Yeah, but my lack of confidence is what kept me from you in the first place.”
Her head tilted and a piece of the honey-streaked hair she’d piled atop her head fell loose. “What do you mean?”
“Last year was tough. I lost my job and couldn’t find another one. I was either too experienced or not experienced enough. My financial situation got pretty grim. Actually, when the headhunter repping your father called me, I was on the cusp of taking a job at a local electronics store.”
Tess stiffened slightly—was she shocked or disappointed?
“Things are tough out there.”
He wanted to say “you wouldn’t know that” but bit his tongue. At the very least, he had to give Tess credit for refusing to bend to her father’s will and striking out on her own. She’d done pretty damn well, taking a fair chunk of Ullo’s business with her. “Yeah, it is tough which is why when I landed this job—the perfect job—I was not as much ecstatic as relieved. I didn’t really want to have to hawk big-screen TVs and routers.”
“Hmmm,” was all she said. He didn’t know what to make of her response. Was she angry? Or did she pity him?
“And that’s the real reason I didn’t return your call. I had every intention of calling you when I got to New Orleans, but I wanted to get set up here, get caught up on my bills. I didn’t want to come to you half a man. I was too embarrassed to tell you the real reason, so I let you think it was no big deal.”
Tess sat up, water sluicing off her back as she twisted to face him. In the low light, he couldn’t read her eyes. Her mouth drew into an outraged line. “You think having a hard time financially makes you half a man?”
Didn’t it? He didn’t know one man who would blurt out “I’m overextended and I don’t have a job. Wanna go on a date?” Hell, no. Dudes wanted to show they could afford a good bottle of wine and a filet. “I wanted to be stable, able to take you out for that night on the town I’d promised you without having to calculate the cost. Frankly, my pride stood in my way. I didn’t want to be the loser I’d felt like for the last six months.” He shrugged and shifted his gaze away. “I wanted to be good enough for you.”
“You’re joking, right?”
He glanced back at her, trying to figure out if she were angry or sympathetic. “Actually I’m baring my soul to you, something that’s always been hard for me.”
“Wait, you didn’t call because you thought you weren’t worthy of me? Did you think I was that kind of girl? Was there anything in my demeanor that said I need a man with money in order to fall in love?”
Love. She’d said the word he’d danced around for the past few weeks. Falling in love should be wonderful. It shouldn’t be like this—fraught with difficulty and hurt.
“I knew what kind of girl you were. It was on me. I’m the one with the insecurity.” He pulled her back to him, settling her against him, stroking her side as if he could take away the insult. Maybe she needed to understand him better; maybe she’d see he was insecure because of what he’d lost so young. “You have to understand—my father spent his life chasing dreams. There was always a sure thing on the horizon. He’d sink every bit of our money into the venture and then—nothing. I spent my whole life watching my old man get beat down. Then one day, he didn’t come home.”
“He left you and your family?”
“He left everyone. They found him hanging from a rafter down at a shack on the lake. It was supposed to be a piece of development land he’d bought, but that had fallen through, too.”
Tess covered her mouth with a hand. “Oh, my god, Graham. I’m so sorry.”
“He was not brave enough to admit his failings. He checked out rather than face reality, so living through that left a mark on me. I didn’t want to come to you empty-handed. I thought if I got myself together, we could start over.” He gave a wry laugh. “Things didn’t exactly work out, did they?”
Tess moved her hand down to capture his. “No. Who would have ever thought we’d tangle ourselves so well in a web of our own making?”
For a moment they both lay in the warm fragrant water, minds turning over the irony that had bound them together.
“What about now?” he asked, lifting her hand and kissing the tip of each finger. “Does this change anything?”
“I don’t know. Professionally? No. Personally? I’m not sure. We could try to sneak around and see each other. Or maybe we could say to hell with it and make our relationship public, but what would happen? We work for rival companies and eventually there’d be suspicion. I already feel like Monique’s heading that way. That’s no way to start a relationship.”
Graham wanted Tess so much, he didn’t want to hear any argument against getting what he wanted, but deep down he knew she was right. When she was nestled in his arms in their own private world, he could believe in a tomorrow for them, but in the cold light of day, when the eyes of the world were on them, he knew it would be impossible. “So this is it? Tonight is what we have?”
