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Abigail smiled at the stars.
Leif lifted his head. "That got out of control. I had wanted to go slower, to give you something better than-"
"Seriously? How wasthatnot good?" She pushed against him because her back hurt like hell. Nothing like pain to jar her into the here and now. She rubbed the indention from the concrete. ''Ow."
He straightened, lifting her and walking to the steps of the pool. ''And, your back has to be killing you. Sorry about that, too."
"But worth it. You can put me down, by the way,” she said.
She dropped her legs as they reached the patio, praying like hell Birdie hadn't climbed a tree and watched. Her daughter wouldn't do that. Not at night. Not when her father-
Hell. Cal and Birdie were yards away and here she'd gone at it like a deranged rabbit with her neighbor in the pool.Great role model, Abi.
Leif handed her a napkin from the tray and silently they both did their postcoital cleanup. As she slid on her panties, shivering in the night, she reminded herself that she was not going to regret or be ashamed of what she'd done. She was a normal woman. Normal women had sex when the opportunity arose. And according to theCosmopolitanshe'd picked up at the store yesterday in order to see precisely what Birdie had learned, they hooked up with guys who were their friends quite often. Booty calls. Ugh. Horrible name for what she and Leif had shared, but she wasn't going to be embarrassed about climbing him like a monkey.
"Hey, you okay?" His voice sounded soft... and knowing. "You said you wouldn't hate me."
Abigail snapped her head up after hooking her bra closed. "I don't hate you. Don't be silly."
"But you're feeling guilty. I can see it on your face.”
"I'm not- " Abigail shimmied into her jeans, wishing she wasn’t already justifying her actions to herself. “Well, it's cold out here."
"Come over by the fire." He already wore his jeans and shirt and held a folded blanket she'd seen earlier. "We'll snuggle and get warm."
Except she didn't want to snuggle. She wanted to go home and wrestle with what she'd done. But that was silly. And rude. And would make Leif think she had regrets.
She didn't.
Or at least she didn't want to have regrets. Because she’d needed what she’d just had. Okay, maybe shucking her clothes and having sex on the first date was drastic, but her life was stale. Each day she ate the same cereal for breakfast because it was easy.
And then a big stack of bananas Foster pancakes came into her life. She'd eyed them for a while. Then they landed on her plate. She had a fork in her hand. She needed ooey, gooey goodness. Those pancakes were her reward for plastering a smile on her face every morning and pretending life was good.
She looked over at her pancakes. He watched her, the fire casting flickering shadows over his face.
The blanket hung suspended between them. Abigail tugged on her shirt, leaving it unsnapped, and stepped into Leif's arms. He enfolded her, tucking her head beneath his chin.
"It's okay, Abi," he whispered, dropping a kiss on her head. Slowly he pulled her down to the pillows, tucking the blanket around them. And like that moment in the swing after Cal had come traipsing back into her life, Leif remained quiet, merely holding her. Absently, he stroked her still damp hair, his torso warm against her. Minutes ticked by as they lounged there, lost in thought. Abigail had no clue how Leif felt but she drew on everything she knew about relationships and realized she might not be prepared to handle being a modern woman who answered a booty call. No. Wait. She'd been the asker. Leif had been the one to answer.
Great.
Perhaps all those shocking things she'd read inCosmoaboutthreesomes and "How to Go Down on Him...and Make him Beg for More" had influenced her psyche. All those articles made it seem as though sleeping around, or "hooking up" as they called it, was no big deal. So why did it feel like a big deal?
Probably because she'd slept with only three guys in her lifetime. One of whom was Leif.
Maybe she was too old-fashioned to play this game.
Then again, maybe she had to be different than what she was. If she wanted to spend time with Leif, she had to accept it would be as part of an affair. Wait. Was that even the right term?
Maybe it was casual fling.
But she knew one thing- she didn't want everyone knowing she and Leif were doing whatever it was they were doing. Her parents were pillars of the community, running the First Presbyterian Church and serving on boards for the local food pantry and pregnancy crisis center. Abigail couldn't throw her indiscretion with Leif in their faces. Plus, Leif was an instructor at the school where her brother was the principal. And it was a religious school, at that. Jake would soon be tossing his hat in the ring for fire captain. She couldn't burden them by acting like a fool the way Cal had a few years ago. So it was either hide what she had with Leif... or end it. Friends on the outside, something more on the inside.
Was that too selfish? Or maybe it was crazy.
"Hey," he whispered. "Are you asleep?"
"No, just thinking.”
