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"Don't use some psychobabble you learned in freshman psychology on me. Yeah, I'm angry about the wreck. I'm pissed you came out that night, that you insisted I was too drunk to drive but yet managed to soberly wrap us around a tree. And I get it was an accident. Just one of those things in life." He delivered that last line with bitterness.
"No one could have anticipated the deer crossing our path, could have known the tires were bald on my truck, could have even understood that moving me from where I lay would worsen my condition. I understand all those things. You were trying to do the right thing and it backfired. So, no, though sometimes I feel envy as I watch you strutting around here, dancing with some girl, and then no doubt giving her a good time in the back of your truck, and though I itch to punch your lights out every now and then, this is not about the accident. This is about Eva and your track record of being a lowlife with women."
Speaking of punching someone, Jake wanted for the first time in his life to punch a crippled man. Clint's words seared him. No, sliced him like a dull razor. "So I'm what? Destined to be this?" Jake swiped a hand down his too tight T-shirt and well-worn jeans designed to show off his ass. Yeah, months ago he'd designed his wardrobe in order to get laid. He wasn't proud of it at that moment, but he knew what he had been.
But Eva had changed him. Hadn't she?
He certainly had thought so, but with Clint's hard words bashing him and Matt's earlier admonition regarding Eva, Jake wondered if the men closest to him could see what he could not.
Had he been deluding himself? Was being with Eva dishonorable?
"I don't know, Jake, but I do know that if you asked anyone to describe Jake Beauchamp they'd say, 'He's a good guy but a screwup,' and I don't think Eva deserves being a casualty of your messed-up world. You fucked up that night trying to do the right thing. Maybe you can right the wrong by actuallydoingthe right thing. Leave her alone.”
And with that last comment, Clint downed his liquor and rolled away, leaving Jake sitting at the table.
Bonnie approached and propped a hand on her hip. "Well, that looked intense. You need a drink, hon?"
Jake shook his head. "I need something stronger than whiskey right now."
"Well, we don't sell that, but if you go up to Hook Road, you can probably score something. Take a gun, though,'' Bonnie teased, sashaying off with more energy than she'd shown in years.
Jake felt close to tears, the heavy brick of guilt, doubt and disappointment culling a home in his soul. Across the room, he caught sight of Jenny, who gave him a sympathetic look. How many people had heard Clint's accusations? How many now knew that he and Eva had messed around?
Jenny offered him a partial smile and a shrug.
He managed to crook half of his lips into either a grimace or an acknowledging smile. He wasn't sure which.
Matt pulled up a stool and sank onto it. "Well, I told you this would happen."
"That Clint would call me out about Eva?"
"No, that nothing good could come of you pursuing Eva. I didn't hear everything Clint said, and I don't agree with most of it, but he was right about some things."
"So what? Do I just pretend I feel nothing? Ignore her? What do you suggest? Since your own relationship seems peachy keen at the moment."
Matt's mouth turned down, and a coldness descended over his face. "You can learn from my mistakes. Women are complex creatures. You can't pretend to understand them. Just stay behind the line and refuse to cross the field full of land mines."
"Bullshit,” Jake scoffed, eyeing the watery whiskey Clint had left behind. From the corner of his eye, he noted his former best friend pushing out the door of Ray-Ray's. He wondered if Clint was okay to drive… and then he remembered the last time he'd begged a tipsy Clint not to climb behind the wheel. None of his business. He wasn't a cop or Clint's keeper.
"That's your response? Bullshit?”
"It's all I got," Jake said, pushing away from the table. He didn't know what to do at that moment. Tell everyone to jump off a cliff... or back off Eva.
He wanted her.
He thought he loved her. But could he risk her heart?
Not having the answer, he gave his brother a slap on the back. "I gotta get out of here."
"Why?"
"Because I can't think in here. This place is... it's not the place for me right now."
"I get it," Matt said, calling Bonnie over to order another drink. "Think hard about this thing with Eva. She's part of this community, our family, not to mention she's raising a kid. This ain't Kate, a gal who knows the score. This is Eva. Be judicious."
And on those words of wisdom, Jake left Ray Ray's.
SATURDAY CAMELIKE a ray of sunshine in a sea of darkness. Turned out nursing a child through the flu was no cakewalk. And doing back-to-back shifts at the station wasn't much better. Especially when Jake wasn't there.
