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“You got your nose pierced?” he said, taking me by surprise. His finger grazed the small jewel sending shivers rippling through me and I smiled. When he looked at me like that I almost forgot who I was. What I’d done.
“I like it,” he added, but then his expression turned serious again. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you, but shit is… complicated.” His voice was softer this time, and his fingers splayed out along the side of my neck until his hand curved around my throat.
“Evan, I—”
His lips touched mine. It was different from our usual kisses. Uncertain, somehow, as if Evan was seeking silent permission. And as my lips parted, granting him entrance, I realized we’d done it again. Brushed everything under the rug in favor of a physical connection.
But how long could we keep doing it before our pasts caught up with us?
CHAPTER32
Over the next week,Evan reverted to the guy I’d met that first week of school. He still dragged me off to the closet or behind the library stack, but I felt it in the way he kissed me. Intense and lingering, his kisses felt almost like goodbye. Like he was taking whatever he could from me while he could. I didn’t push him to talk. Not after Rogues. It was clear that neither of us was ready to open up, so here we were, in some kind of stalemate.
It didn’t help that the notes stopped. So did the verbal taunts and comments every time I passed one of Kendall’s friends. I didn’t believe for one second she’d just given up her hate campaign, which could only mean something much worse—she was biding her time for something bigger.
“Hey.” Lilly tapped me on the shoulder, and my heart catapulted into my throat.
“Jesus, Lilly.”
“Whoa, why so jumpy? It’s not Halloween yet.” Her brows furrowed. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, you surprised me is all.”
“So the homecoming party at Rogues Saturday. It’s going to be huge. The guys are rigging up a sound system. Jay and Eric know a guy. Half the team is blowing off the dance in favor of our little gathering.” She clapped with a little bounce. “I’m so excited. I might even wear a dress. Just because, you know. Who needs an actual dance when you have Rogues?”
“Uh, about that,” I said, disappearing into my locker because I didn’t want to see the look of disappointment in her eyes when I broke the news to her.
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
Slamming the door shut, I sucked in a sharp breath. “I, uh… so I mayhavepickedupanextrashiftathedinersaturdaynight.”
“Becca, you didn’t. Why?” Her voice matched her face, and guilt shot through me.
“I’m sorry. My dad told Mitch I’d do it, and I didn’t want to let him down.”
It wasn’t a total lie. Dad had taken the call from Mitch asking if I could cover, but it was all on me for saying yes.
“This sucks.” Lilly slumped back against the locker bank. “I had the whole night planned. Pre-party drinks at my house. I wanted you to do my hair. Can’t you talk to Mitch?”
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, what time do you get off?”
“Nine, I think.”
“So it’s not a total loss. If you take your things to work, you can get ready and come straight over. There’ll be plenty of time.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Lilly looped her arm through mine, making plans for me, but I had tuned out. The truth was, I wanted to work. Ever since the homecoming banner went up, a hole began carving its way through my chest. Maybe it was because it was the first real reminder of everything I was missing back in Montecito, or maybe it was because, with Evan, I would never get any of those senior year rites of passage: homecoming, winter formal, prom. The whole thing had thrown me for a loop, but I knew I definitely didn’t want to be at Rogues pretending, all while wishing I were somewhere else.
“This is me.” We’d stopped at Lilly’s class. “You have to come Saturday. Promise me? It won’t be the same without you.”
I smiled.
It was all I could muster.
* * *
