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I stepped out of Evan’s hold and launched the ball toward Eli. He zigzagged a couple of times, and for a second it looked like he’d missed the catch, but the ball landed in his hands. “I did it! I did it! Ev, did you see? Did you see?”
“I saw. You were awesome, buddy.”
Eli bounded toward us. “Becca too, she made the bestest throw.” Evan leaned down and held out his arms, but Eli ran straight to me, wrapping his small arms around me. “You were awesome, Becca.”
“I think someone has a crush,” Evan’s voice drifted over to me, and I peeked up at him, surprised by the emotion I saw in his eyes. “Come on, time for bed.”
“Awww, but I don’t wanna. Will you come, Becca? Pleaaase.”
I looked at Evan for an answer, and he nodded.
“Sure thing, but when Evan says it’s bedtime, it’s bedtime, okay?”
Fist pumping the air, he squealed with delight and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the park.
* * *
“Thanks.”I opened the can of soda and spun the stool to face Evan. “He’s a handful.”
“He’s great.”
“Do you look after him a lot?”
Evan dropped his eyes to his beer as he shrugged. “I guess. Mom is…” He hesitated, and I felt his walls slide back into place, shutting me out.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
“I know.” He craned his head to the side. “I want to. It’s just hard, you know.”
Without thinking, I reached out and closed my hand over his. Evan tensed, and I waited for him to pull away, but he didn’t. He spun his own stool and stood, stepping between my legs. “Mom works the 7-Eleven on the edge of town when she’s sober enough to drag herself out of bed.” Pain shone in his eyes, and I gulped, choking down my shock. “After Dad left, she… she didn’t take it so well. Eli was just a baby.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.” Evan dropped his chin to my head and clasped his arms around my waist, and heavy silence enveloped us.
That little insight into his life explained so much. Evan carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had a kid brother to look after and a drunk mom to worry about. I suddenly felt selfish for making it all about me, when really, he had every right to keep me at arm’s length.
“What will you do?”
He pulled back and stared down at me. “I have no fucking idea. The school counselor said my grades are good enough for college, but I’d need a scholarship. Besides, I can’t leave Eli. He’s just a kid. He doesn’t understand why some days Mom can’t even get out of bed. Or how sometimes she’s as high as a kite and leaving him so she can go party.”
He brought a hand to his face and scrubbed his jaw. “I’m all he’s got. How can I ever leave?”
“I—” I wanted to say something to make it better, but there was nothing. I wanted to take away some of his pain, but the sting of rejection still lingered. So I waited. Waited for Evan to make his decision. I was here. Right now.
All he had to do was ask.
CHAPTER20
The air around us changed,electrified with anticipation. The seconds ticked by painfully slow. I could sense Evan’s torment. It was always the same. He didn’t want to let me in, not really, but a part of me hoped that this time he would.
I needed him to.
“What are you thinking?” I finally broke the silence, unable to bear it any longer.
He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple pressing against his throat. “How much I want to forget. Mom. Eli. School. The future. Sometimes, I just want it to escape it all.”
My hand had moved to the hem of his t-shirt resting low on his stomach, and my fingers trembled as they curled into the material. I looked up at him as I slid my hand underneath and smoothed it over his solid stomach. His eyes shuttered, and he sucked in a sharp breath.
