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“Ever have one of those nights where you think you’re being stalked?”
“Welcome to the delightful world of being female. It’s great, isn’t it?”
I flop onto the couch, sending a plume of stuffing out from between my legs like I just farted a cloud. “We need new furniture,” I say, scooping up the pieces and dropping them into the bin.
“Maybe your new boyfriend can buy us some.”
“Not you as well. I had all this from Teresa just now.”
“All of what?”
“She’s got it into her head that I’m in love with Vincenzo.”
“Is she wrong?”
I turn and scowl at her. “I am not in love with him.”
“Let him kiss you though, didn’t you? Wouldn’t say no if he told you to drop your panties and open your legs so he can plant his sausage in your compost heap.”
“That’s your version of love, is it?”
“I’m just saying it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it?”
“How’s the business plan going?”
She sticks her tongue out.
“What?”
“Subtly changing the subject, are you?”
“Well?”
“It’s going fine, thank you. How’s the not falling in love with Vincenzo Felici?”
“Going very well indeed.”
“That’s good. You going to ring him up and cancel this charity auction thing or am I?”
“Why would I cancel?”
She laughs. “I mean, if I wasn’t in love with someone, I’d feel no obligation to join him at some posh society event. Would you?”
“Maybe I want to thank him for saving us last night. Do him a favor.”
She mutes the TV. “Little tip. If men want a favor, it’s because they’re hoping to get sex.”
“That’s not true.”
“Says she of such broad sexual experience versus me with so little.”
“All right, no need to be sarcastic.”
“Let’s make up a bet. I bet he tries to sleep with you at some point tomorrow.”
“I’m not going to make a bet with you that involves my sex life. Or lack of.”
“Come on, it’ll be interesting. He clearly wants to go all the way, as the kids say. If he tries to sleep with you, I win. You have to wash up for the next week. If he remains the perfect gentleman, you get full custody of the TV remote. You can watch those snoozefest art documentaries to your heart’s content.” She holds a hand out toward me. “Are we on?”
