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“Home, where a good submissive belongs.”
Thirty-Two
Vincenzo
While I drive, she tells me about Cathy’s business plans. “She needs a loan but the banks are refusing to touch her.”
I listen and nod in the right places. It’s cute that she’s talking so much. I know exactly why she’s doing it. Anything to distract herself from thinking about what just happened.
I know she enjoyed it. I know her better than she knows herself. She’s confused though. She thinks she shouldn’t like such things. I’m betting a childhood of being told that her needs and wants were things to be stomped on, pushed down, ignored.
Growing up, she learned to hide her feelings, her emotions, her desires. That led to a lot of shame. I can tell by the way her mouth is running right now.
I look at her and wonder if she knows that I know. “It’s all right,” I tell her, interrupting as we get close to her place.
“But if no one will help, she won’t be able to get going with this. I know you’ve made the rent really low on the office but…”
“I’ll lend her the money,” I say, talking across her.
“Oh. That wasn’t why I was telling you.”
“You were telling me to distract yourself from what happened just now. Rather than hide from the feelings it brought up, why not embrace them? Let them sink into you. What’s the worst that could happen?”
She is silent for a moment before whispering, “It’s bad.”
“To have desires? Wants?”
“To do something like that in public. We could have been arrested.”
That makes me laugh.
“What’s so funny?” she asks.
“I’d like to meet the cop who had the stones to try and arrest me.”
“It was still wrong. What if someone saw?”
“Several people did. Who cares?”
“I care.” She sounds angry. “It wasn’t right, what we did.”
“I didn’t hear you complaining.”
“I’m complaining now.”
“You’re ashamed, that’s not the same. What happened to you, Ophelia?”
“What do you mean?”
“Something happened to make you this way. What was it?”
“No. I’m calling a hard limit on that.”
“On what?”
“My background. It is not open for discussion.”
To be continued, I think to myself. For now, I will respect her wishes. “Fine. I will tell you mine, for the sake of openness. I grew up in severe poverty. My scars are from that time. I value money because it brings me security. That security is at risk if we do not get married. I will not allow insecurity to enter my world. We are getting married. It is happening.”
