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“That’s great. Maybe we’ll finally get somewhere.” She looks at me and her eyebrows go up. “What’s going on? Something happen?”
“I saw that guy again at the sheriff’s office.”
“What guy? The man-mountain? The mega-cocked God?”
“The one who tried to steal my purse if that’s who you’re referring to. Turns out his name is Enzo Lauria and he’s a bad dude.”
“How’d you know? Did you see him getting arrested?”
“I tried to say he was a thief. The sheriff wasn’t interested.”
“Really? Did he give you a reason?”
“Said Enzo Lauria wouldn’t stoop to something as mundane as purse snatching. Made it sound like he was this huge scary criminal mastermind or something. It was weird.”
“Sounds like you’re lucky that he didn’t do anything worse to you.”
“I guess so. I’m going to go get ready for my date. Can you help me blow-dry my hair at the back when I’ve washed it? I looked like a collapsed soufflé within half an hour last time I tried to do it on my own.”
“What are best friends for?”
“Stealing the batteries from my vibrator for your Xbox controller seems to be the main thing.”
“I put them back when I was done.”
“Dead. Put them back dead.”
“Still put them back.”
“What would I do without you and your battery stealing ways?”
“Not have anyone to watch Twilight Zone episodes with.”
“You watched one with me. Told me it didn’t make any sense.”
“It didn’t. If he broke his glasses, he could still read. He’d just hold the books closer to his face.”
“Couldn’t have just enjoyed the show? Had to tear it to pieces, didn’t you?”
“Go get in the shower before you run out of time.”
I do as she says, heading through to the bathroom and getting undressed. “Oh, thanks for setting me up with the sheriff’s son,” I shout through to her. “Didn’t mention that part, did you?”
“The pool of dating options is getting smaller,” she calls back. “Not many left to choose from. Besides, he might be the one.”
“One more humiliating experience, you got that right. I give it three minutes before he tells me I need to change into someone better. Either that or goes for my tits before we order drinks.”
“That’s it, that’s the optimism that makes me love you.”
I ponder what to wear while I’m rubbing shampoo into my hair. I remember how Enzo looked at me in my black dress last time. I could wear that again but what’s the etiquette on wearing the same thing on two dates in a row?
I decide to go for broke since last night was such a bust. I’m going to wear the red midi dress with the split, the one Maisie insisted I buy when we were six vodka martinis deep last summer.
I haven’t worn it since but I feel like being racy tonight. Not because I might see Enzo again and I want to impress him if I do. Just because it’s about the only clean and pressed thing in the wardrobe and I’m already running late. Anyway, with such a killer dress, I reason that tonight has to go better than last night.
Which just goes to show how dumb I am.
5
