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“Because apparently, all I am to this town is the weirdo who got abandoned by her parents in the woods.”
“You’re a lot more than that. You’re the reason I graduated from high school. Couldn’t have done it without your help.”
“Doesn’t make me feel better right now.”
“Don’t worry.” She grins. “You’ll get some cock eventually. A great big one with the power to make you forget Jeb Hills. All veins and gristle and balls.”
“Jeb or the mystery cock?”
“Mystery cock. Trust me. I think therefore I cock. The cock for you is out there somewhere.”
“I’ve never seen one in person, but you sound like you’re getting paid per mention. What are you, sponsored by Durex or something?”
“Wish I was. It’d be easier than bussing tables. I’d just go around yelling cock all day long. Could be fun.”
“Remind me why we’re friends again.”
“Because we’ve been through a lot of shit together over the years. Party animals, that’s us.”
“Yeah, but you’re like this slinky cool cat, whereas I’m more of a lumbering mongrel dog with fleas and a skin condition.”
“Dogs and cats can get on.”
“Yeah, they’re so renowned for getting on well, aren’t they?”
“I’m trying to say that opposites can attract.”
“Are you hitting on me again?”
“Someone has to.” She punches my shoulder. “Don’t look so down. You don’t need cock anyway, brought to you by Durex. You’ve still got that vibrator I bought you, right?”
“Old Faithful? Yeah, he’s my longest-lasting partner. Never let me down.”
“Exactly.” She gives me a wink. “Well, fuck it. You should just turn lesbian and get together with me. That’d show Jeb.”
“Yeah, great idea. Only a couple of problems.”
“Like what? Am I not hot enough for you?”
“One, you’re not a lesbian and neither am I.”
“Details, schmeetails. Think of it like anal. You never know if you like it until you try it.”
“I’ll ignore that comment. Two, I know for a fact he’d get off on us just talking about this, let alone doing it.”
“Eww, men are gross.”
“He wasn’t a man. He was still the boy he was in high school. Peter Pan.”
“Can fly and touch up fairies?”
“Never grew up. He brought his notebook.”
“Oh, shit. I thought that was one of those school rumors, like Mr. Clark’s third ball. He actually has a notebook?”
“Scores inside and all.”
“How’d you do on appearance?”
