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I frown, not even sure why I said that. “I guess I do.”
“What about the father?”
“What about him?”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, how would I do that? I don’t know anything beyond his name.”
“Lorna might know. You could give her a call.”
“He wasn’t working for her though, was he? And after he stole her car, I doubt she’d be happy to help. He was gatecrashing the wedding, remember. God knows why.”
“Someone at the wedding party might know him. He must have been there for a reason. You wouldn’t just walk into a reception like that unless you knew someone there.”
“Hell, maybe he was a serial killer. Maybe he was the one that killed the groom.”
She frowns. “Don’t joke about things like that.”
“I’m serious. No suspects identified. No motive identified. Shit, maybe it was him.”
“Did he seem like a killer to you?”
“He stole Lorna’s car. He lied about why he was there.”
“Not to mention he walked out right after you fucked.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Shit, what if he was the killer? Holy fuck, Clarissa. You might be right. You can’t keep the child of a killer.”
“I’m not getting rid of her, Maddy. End of discussion.”
“All right. Say you keep it. Her. Say you give birth and she learns to talk, and she says to you, ‘Who’s my father?’ What do you tell her? Oh, I’m not sure exactly, but I suspect he might be a car stealing murderer.”
My shoulders sag. “Can we not talk about this now, please? I’ve only just found out I’m pregnant. I haven’t got the bandwidth to think about all this.”
“Sure. Sorry. Eat your ice cream. It’ll do you good.”
I dig a spoon into it but I don’t feel hungry. I pass her the spoon and the tub, tucking the blanket tightly around me like I used to when I was growing up. After taking a deep breath, I let it all out. “I will not have my child growing up thinking her dad’s a killer. I will have nothing to do with that bastard, okay? He walked out on me while I still had his cum drying on my thighs.”
“Nice.”
“No, it wasn’t. He fucking ghosted me like I was nothing to him but a fucking human Fleshlight. You want to know the truth? I’m glad he fucked off. Meant I found out the truth about him before it got too far. I know who he really is now. An asshole. I don’t have any feelings toward him and I never will.”
“You sure about that? Only I remember you crying a hell of a lot in the days after.”
“So what?”
“Seems to me you only cry when you care about someone. Otherwise, where’s the pain coming from?”
“Shock that I didn’t see through him before we got back here.”
“So you’re not telling him and you’re not telling your little munchkin when she comes along?”
I stare at the blank screen of the TV in front of us, seeing myself reflected in it. “You remember our plan?” I ask after a moment’s thought.
“The plan?” she replies. “Are you talking abouttheplan?”
