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“Yeah, so?”
“From what you said about her, I reckon she’ll know where Jack is. Call her and get his number.”
“What am I going to say to him?”
“If I was crueler, I’d shake you by the shoulders right now. Tell him the truth.” She grabs my shoulders and shakes them roughly. “Tell him you love him, you absolute moron.”
It’s like she’s slapped me. The truth hits me in that instant. “I love him?”
“Don’t sound so shocked. For someone so smart, you can be pretty dumb at times. It’s been obvious to me that you fell for him that first night.”
“Didn’t think to mention it to me?”
“What good would it have done? You’d only have denied it.”
“Because it’s not true.” My voice sounds surprisingly weak.”
“Don’t be so stubborn.”
“How is that stubborn?”
“You’re denying the truth that’s staring you in the face. If you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t care about him giving you your money. You’d chalk it up and give it away and forget about him. He’d be part of your past, but he isn’t. You still talk about him every day, do you know that? I listen to you and I think you need to speak to him, but I was waiting for you to work it out for yourself. I’m guessing that’s never going to happen, so this is me shaking you out of this funk you’ve got yourself into. Get his number. Call him, tell him you love him. Tell him you’re sorry for that argument before he left.”
“Anything else?”
“Yeah, tell him to move back here, so you stop moping around the place like you’re mourning the death of a beloved puppy. I’m surprised you haven’t got The Smiths playing on repeat every time you come home from work. It doesn’t have to be this way, Clarissa. You don’t have to pretend you should be happy without him. I know you want him and I bet you the last few bucks in my account that he wants you too. That’s the problem with you two. Both too stubborn to take a risk. Honestly, without me around, I think you’d be a spinster forever, end up like Mrs Havisham rattling around in a crumbling dress and never stepping up to the plate to try to make a difference to your life.”
“You done?”
She sighs. “I’m done.”
“Good. I’m going to the bank to return that payment.”
“You do that and there really is no hope for you.”
That gets me angry. “How is me not wanting blood money a sign that I’m making a mistake?”
“Stop calling it blood money. It’s just money. You don’t call Jack a blood father. He’s just a father. Your daughter’s father. You want her to grow up without a bad influence in her life? Tough. They’ll be out there no matter what you do. You have to prepare her, get her ready to handle any shit that comes her way. That’s parenting. You don’t get to shield her from everything like she’s made of crystal.” She sighs heavily, taking a step back from me. “You’re not going to like this, but I’ve got to tell you.”
“What?”
“You wanted to make sure she didn’t grow up like you, surrounded by badness. By making sure she knows nothing about her dad, you are doing your own version of that. You’re shielding her when you have no right to do it. She has a right to know who her father is.”
“I’ll tell her when she’s old enough.”
“Or you could let him be a part of her life now.”
“That bridge is burned.”
“So rebuild it. Call him. Talk to him. Sort this out. Please, for Sophie’s sake, as much as yours.”
“He’s got a kid he’s looking after already.”
“So? Blended families are a thing in the modern world. You can make this work. I believe in you, even if you don’t believe in yourself.”
“Who made you a relationship guru all of a sudden?”
“I’m your friend. Friends tell each other the truth even when it’s painful. Look, you don’t want to call him, fine. But don’t pretend it’s for noble reasons. You want to shield her from the truth, admit that it’s because you’re afraid. Afraid she’ll turn into you. Guess what? If she did, she’d be a cool adult who I’d be happy to hang around with. Now go to the bank. Call Jack or not. But own the decision and don’t hide the truth from yourself. I know you love him and I know what you’re really afraid of.”
