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19
ANYA
When he was donewith me, Silas quietly helped me pull my robe back over my body and lowered himself beside me on the cold ground, wrapping his arms around me to share his warmth.
I was so shaken by the way our bodies had come together to create... whatever that was... that I didn't have much to say. It felt wrong. And it felt so, so right.
All this time, I'd been telling myself that I would never, ever get involved with a Guardian, not after Kiango. And it wasn't just because the memory still stung. It was a practical thing. I was a servant, outcast. I couldn't just come back from that. In fact...
I rolled over and scooted back, smiling to myself as my ass fit perfectly into the curve of his body and I felt the lingering remnants of his erection still nudging against me. I wriggled a little, giggling when he groaned and pressed his face into the back of my neck.
"That really isn't necessary," he mumbled, although it didn't sound like much of a complaint.
"Silas?" I said quietly.
"Are you still cold? I can warm you again if you'd like."
"No. I was just thinking."
He kissed the back of my neck softly. "Thinking about what?"
"What if we didn't have to go back?" I spoke slowly.
Of course we had to go back. We didn't know where we were. We didn't have the means to survive. And we had to find out about the others. Ember and Kiango were back there, maybe dead, maybe alive.
But what if? What if we just kept going? To a place where I wasn't a throwaway, and Silas wasn't bound to an angry, murderous god? Just thinking of it filled me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt in a very long time.
Silas didn't speak at first. He chuckled lightly and continued pressing kisses into my hairline and down onto my shoulder.
"Where would you rather go?"
I shrugged, turning over so I could look him in the eye. He wasn't taking me seriously. Maybe it was the sex and the feel of our bodies still so close. But the longer I sat with the idea, the more appealing it was.
"I mean it, Silas. We could get supplies from the ship and bring them here. We don't have to go back. You don't have to go back."
His expression faltered, his amused half-smile dropping into a concerned frown as he searched my face. He shook his head.
"Anya, we can't just leave everyone in the palace to fend for themselves. I have to go back. I took an oath, and it meant something. But more importantly, I promised my grandfather. He knew there was something going on here in Ke’Thal. He suspected Trydan. I don’t think he knew Imrys was really at fault. I made a promise to heed Re'Utu's call and fight for the people when he could not. I can't just ignore that. He’s counting on me."
Hot rage mingled with disappointment and uneasiness in my gut. I had to fight to keep my expression from crumbling, from showing him how much those words hurt, and how scared I was.
I managed to force out a single word. "Yeah."
I should have known better. Silas was a Guardian. A Guardian first, always. And who the hell was I to ask him to run away with me? I had spent every waking moment for the last few weeks telling myself that I would not fall for him, not under any circumstances. But here I was, making a fool of myself, practically asking him to marry me and buy a house and move to the countryside after one good fuck. Really, it was no wonder he was looking at me like I was insane.
I rolled away from him, settling into his embrace and staring out the narrow mouth of the cave and into the dark forest. It didn't take long for Silas to drop into a heavy slumber, his light snores forming a soothing rhythm in the back of my mind.
Outside, the forest was too thick to let any light in. It was impossible to tell what time it was, although it felt like it must be well into the morning. There should have been sunlight dappling the forest floor. There should have been animals chattering or something. And yet, beyond the tight walls of this alcove, there wasn't a single sound or a stray glint of sunshine.
"Just let me enjoy this while I can," I muttered to myself, closing my eyes and pulling Silas's arm tighter around me.
