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21
ANYA
"The palace.It's not far. We can reach it in a few days if we go now."
He spoke slowly, mechanically. And as his words filtered into my still reeling brain, I forced myself to make sense of them. We weren't lost. I swallowed hard, offering him a weak smile, even though everything inside me wanted to cry.
Overhead, the storm gurgled with weak thunder and tiny droplets of water began falling, misting my skin.
"Let's go," I said, turning to start back down the hill before he could see the tears that spilled down my cheeks, mingling with the cool rain.
Behind me, I could hear Silas's crunching footsteps. He followed closely but didn't speak. What was there to say? We'd been caught up in the aftermath of a traumatic event, and we both made decisions we regretted the next morning. We weren't the first, and we certainly wouldn't be the last. Now, it was best if we just didn't bring it up. We had to get back to the palace, and everything would go back to normal.
At some point, Silas came up beside me and changed our course wordlessly. I obliged, happy to turn away from him and put space between us once more. Just looking at him made my insides squirm with disappointment and hurt. And something else, too. It was impossible to forget the way that hard body had felt against mine.
No. It was a mistake. A one-time thing. He needed his title and his people and his god. He didn't need me. If I had even a notion that I could survive out here on my own, I would dart into the forest and leave him behind. He could go back without me. No one would miss me.
But I couldn't. I couldn't live out here on my own. If this little rain shower was anything to go by, I'd freeze to death within a few days, and none of it would matter anyway. So I put my head back down and let him walk alongside me without comment.
At some point, we passed the shell of the ship and I made him stop long enough to lift me inside so I could look for something warm to wear. Now that we were clear of the forest's protective canopy, the raindrops were larger and the wind was brisker. I wasn't sure I could endure another day and a half of this without some way of keeping myself warm.
After rummaging around for a while, Silas grumbled something about the sun going down. I poked my head out and looked at him incredulously.
"Look, it's not my fault I wasn't made for this sort of thing. And the palace didn't exactly dress us for winter conditions." I paused, thinking for a moment. "In fact... I don't recall there ever being winter conditions here. I've been here for two years, and it's never gotten cooler than a mild spring day."
Silas blinked, looking at me quizzically. "What does this have to do with anything? If there's nothing in the ship for you, we need to keep moving. I will warm you myself."
I frowned, unable to hide my angry indignation at his offer before dismissing it entirely.
"I'd rather you didn't," I said shortly. "Anyway, what I mean is that when we plowed through that storm like that, we must've upset the entire atmosphere. Normally, the storms are so far out in space, we wouldn't have noticed a change when they came and went. But this was close, inside the planet's atmosphere. And it's been altered somehow."
Begrudgingly, I allowed Silas to lift me back out of the ship and place me on the ground. The ship had not been outfitted for winter weather any more than the rest of the palace, which meant that I was still as cold and exposed as I'd been before. Except for the place on my waist where his two big hands had gripped me and caused a bloom of heat that went straight to my belly and made me shudder. When his hands were gone and the heat began to fade, I felt a momentary desire to throw myself back into his arms, but I squashed it viciously. I could not afford to give in to those feelings again.
"Come on," I said, heading out. "If the palace is still in one piece, it's our best chance at figuring out what happened. Mihiri might have something in her library."
He grabbed me by the arm, and I bristled under his touch, wrenching free from him and turning with a scowl.
"Don't ever grab a lady like that," I growled, rubbing at my arm furiously.
"Sorry," he sulked, letting his hand fall back to his side lamely. "But we need to talk. You were right yesterday. If we go back there, we have no idea what's going to happen. I don't think Imrys could have survived whatever that was, but even if he didn't, Trydan is still in charge. Or maybe we go back, and everyone inside is dead. We don't know."
"And?" I asked shortly.
"And I think we just need to be prepared. And..." he faltered, his voice falling to a whisper. "I don't want you to be angry with me," he admitted.
I shrugged. "It's fine. We have to do what we have to do."
I turned away and marched on, not allowing myself to register the misery I saw in his eyes in that second.
