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“Yes, and then some. I’ll spare you the gory details.”
“Please do. Although...”
“Although... what?”
“I don’t know.” Tif sounds frustrated, and I believe, a little scared. “Do you believe in fate?”
I’m quick to answer, despite meeting Sin again under the weirdest of circumstances. “Hell no.”
“Why not?” Tif asks, sounding surprised. I can’t fault her. She thinks I sleep with call girls to avoid commitment and not because I like dispensing a bit of pain to get my pleasure.
“I am in charge of what happens to me,” I say with conviction. “Nothing interferes with what I want unless I let it.”
“Spoken like a true skeptic,” she says, sounding a bit miffed at my pig-headedness. “I guess you don’t believe in love at first sight?”
“Not in the least. Why are you asking?”
“I… well... I met someone.” She goes on in a rush. “He is a player and an arrogant asshole, but darn it, I can’t stop thinking about him.”
I don’t mind that Tif is interested in someone, even though her budding attraction to an outside party could mean an end to our engagement. Gramps can’t lay the blame on my doorstep if Tif calls things off. “Do I need to come to New York to kick his ass?”
She lets out a heavy sigh. “No need. He doesn’t think much of me, and to be honest, I want to keep it that way.”
Seems Tif and I are fighting the same demons.
“I won’t pressure you, Tif, but if you want to talk...”
“No.” I can just see her shaking her head, brown bob flying around her small face. “You called me for advice. I refuse to monopolize the conversation with my hang-up mess.”
“Your condition is not a mess, Tif.”
“My condition?” she scoffs. “Myaffliction,you mean. What the hell is wrong with me, anyway? I grew up sheltered from the tragedies of the world, in a lovely home with two loving parents. Never had to struggle or want for anything. Never been in an unpleasant situation, except for that minor incident in middle school. I hug people. I like to be touched. I like to cuddle. When it comes to intimacy... I can’t. I justcan’t.”
Her tears reach me over the phone. I break a little inside and offer her words of comfort I’m surprised I actually feel. “Tif, it takes time to overcome feelings... situations. It took me years to stop wincing at loud noises and raised voices. So, don’t beat yourself up and don’t internalize things.”Like me.“ Talk it out, okay? You will get there one day.”
“I want to believe you...” she hiccups, “I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
“I’ll do all I can to help you get there. Before and after we marry.”
“You still want to get married?”
“Sure I do.”
“What about the woman?”
“What about her?”
Tif lets out atsksound. “If you want her, and she wants you, why wouldn’t you hook-up?”
“You want me to... cheat?” I purposefully make my tone drip with disbelief.
My clowning has the desired effect as she laughs softly. “Like you would be.”
“I can’t risk a scandal. She’s my employee.” Like that would stop you if she gave you any hint, any sign she wanted more.
“Do you think she would tell anyone?”
“I don’t know her well enough to say yea or nay.”
