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I press the heels of my palms into my eyes and groan.
This time, fucking him was not really a bet. This time I did it because Iwantedto. And I enjoyed it.
Motherfucker. What is happening to me?
I move a bit sluggishly throughout the day, my mind a jumbled mess. My kindergartners notice and seem to try and make up for it by being extra wild today. But they’re not the only ones who take note that something is off. August can tell something’s wrong because he eyes me from across the playground and shakes his head.
He knows I did it again.
I’m such a sucker. He’s totally judging me.
“Shoo,” I mouth and wave my hand to ward him away. It doesn’t work. He just continues to judge me with his eyes.
I avoid him until he approaches me at lunch and says quietly, “You did it again, didn’t you?”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because you look guilty.”
I rest my face in my hands and groan. “Fine. I am, and I did.”
“Damn, Mags. What were you thinking? What about Colin? You’re seeing him tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. I invited him to the thing at the park. We’re meeting up toward the end of it.”
August sighs and opens a bag of chips, crunching down on one as he thinks. “You’ve got yourself a dilemma.”
“I know. Don’t remind me.”
“Do you like him?”
“Who, Colin? Of course, I do!”
“No. Sem.”
I swallow and turn to face my best friend. “I don’t know. He’s…he offered to kill my dad for me.”
August’s eyes widen, and his mouth drops open.
“Jesus.”
“I think he meant it too. And I…August, Ilikedit. That he’d do that for me. That he’d protect me like that. Does that make me a criminal? Oh god,” I groan and smack my forehead twice. “I’m going to end up in jail because of this guy, aren’t I?”
“Quite possibly,” August muses, and I nudge him with my elbow.
“I need to…I don’t know. Distance myself from him. Focus only on Colin. This whole thing with Sem is craziness anyways. Nothing good can come from it.”
“Think he’ll let you?”
“God, probably not.”
And I’m right because on Saturday, as I’m helping Lisa set up for a day of fun in the park for the kids at the group home, Sem shows up. He’s wearing board shorts, slung way too low on his hips, thank you very much, and a tank top that shows off his muscular arms and that eagle tattoo. His blond hair is pulled up in a ponytail, and those blue eyes twinkle when they see me. He looks like sex. If he was anyone else, I’d gobble him up. Like a snack.
Everyone else helping to set up seems to have the same idea too. They’re all staring at him. Male. Female. It doesn’t matter. He’s like some kind of Norse god. No one can look away.
“What are you doing here?” I swallow as he helps me right a folding table that I was struggling with. The muscles in his arms bunch, and I resist the urge to rub against them.
“I’m volunteering.”
