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My eyebrows rise, and I move toward him. “What? Why? Stay. Let me take care of you.”
He presses his good hand against the doorframe and breathes deeply. “If I stay, I may hurt you. I’m too pissed off.”
“No. You won’t.” I say, and he visibly trembles.
“I will. I need to…smash something. Break it.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I can’t believe I let him hurt you like that. Say those hateful things to you. I brought you there and I didn’t protect you. It’s my fucking fault.”
“Sem, no. Please don’t do this. It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
“It’s not fucking okay,” his voice breaks. “I…fuck…I need to go….”
“No, don’t leave. Not like this. Not when you’re so angry. I’ll worry. Just…use me, Sem.Use me. I can take it. Take it out on me, please.”
His eyes soften and he looks broken, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his neck, and I move closer to him to hold him to me, but he steps away.
“No…baby, that’s the one thing I could never do,” and then he’s backing away from me, his footsteps thundering down the stairs. And I’m left gaping at his retreating figure.
Something I never realized until today is that Sem feels very deeply. It’s hidden beneath the quiet stoicism and the wild impulsivity but seeing how he reacted tonight…there’s much more to him than I realized. It feels like I’m constantly peeling back the layers of him, discovering new things. How much more complex could this man be?
I need a lifetime to learn to this man.
I remain in the doorway for a few minutes, staring at the empty hallway, unsure of what to do. Should I chase after him? Do I let him have his space? I lean against the doorframe and press a hand against my aching chest.
In all the time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen Sem so broken up about something before. What happened to me tonight upset him so bad and it feels like my fault.
Oh god, if he hurts himself more tonight, it will be all my fucking fault.
“Shit,” I whisper, and just when I feel like my heart can’t break anymore, my head snaps up at the sound of footsteps punching up the stairs. Suddenly Sem is in the doorway again, his hands on me, lifting me up, and his mouth on mine. His cheeks are wet, and I grab onto his face, wiping the dampness away with my thumbs.
“Sem,” I breathe.
“Maggie. Tie me up,” he grinds out, kicking the door shut and striding quickly to the bedroom.
“What?” I gasp.
“I don’t wanna hurt you, but I need you,” he pants as he sets me down and pulls his shirt off.
Then he’s lying on the bed, his wrists above his head. “Tie me up. Hurry before I change my mind.”
With no time to consider his request, I quickly grab two of my work ties from my closet. Holding onto one wrist, I secure it to the metal headboard and then reach over and do the same to the other, making sure to take care with his bruised hand.
“Okay,” I say, breathless, looking down at Sem sprawled across my bed. “You good now?”
Sem yanks his arms, and the headboard rattles, but the ties stay secure.
His nostrils flare in surprise. “What the fuck, Maggie.”
An unexpected, choked giggle slips from my mouth. “I may have been shit at it, but Iwasa Boy Scout, remember? I earned that knot badge.”
His eyes narrow, and his chest expands. “Fuck.Come here. I want you.”
I arch an eyebrow at him and feel something shift between us. “Oh, no, Sem. I’m in charge now. What did you think would happen when you asked me to tie you up?”
He exhales shakily, and I feel power surge through me. This big, strong man tied up and at my mercy. I can do whatever I want with him.
I run a finger down his chest, and he trembles beneath me.
“Will you let me do whatever I want, Sem?”
