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My breath exhales in a whoosh and I have to press into him for stability.
“Hey, you okay?”
I swallow roughly and then August says, “Here,” and pulls a sucker out of his pocket. I just blink at it. He brought me a sucker.
He brought me a motherfucking sucker.
He’s carried it around for me all day. In his goddamn pocket.
“I love you,” I blurt and as soon as the words hit the cold evening air, my face flames.
Oh my god. Why did I say that? What the hell is wrong with me?
August freezes, his hand still cupping the back of my neck, the other still holding onto the damn sucker. I don’t even want it anymore. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“I mean…I love that you brought me this. That you’re thinking of me…oh damn….”
I’m lame. The lamest. I know I am. I can’t change it now. It’s genetic. I’d need gene therapy to fix it.
Those three little words linger between us like a bad smell as August unpeels the sucker for me and presses it against my lips.
“Here,” he says softly. At least he’s not running away. He’s still here. So that’s good, right? That has to mean he doesn’t hate me.
I part my lips and it slips inside and then August presses his hand to my face. He’s always doing that, touching my face so tenderly. My heart can’t stand it.
“Hey, Em,” he says and there’s a thundering in my ears. It’s so loud that I can’t hear anything but the whoosh of it. August’s mouth is moving, but I can’t make out the words. I feel like I’m going to pass out.
“Em.”
“Huh?”
August brushes a thumb against my jaw. “I like you. So much.”
“Oh. Don’t say that. That’s even worse,” I mutter and then move my face away from his touch. It burns.
Fuck, I’m so embarrassed. I want to go back to Lex’s and hide under the covers and never come back out. I just bob my head and suck on the candy in my mouth, so I don’t have to say anything. I don’t know what to say. And I’m afraid if I open my mouth, it will spill out again.
I love you.
I like you.
My phone pings loudly and I pull it out with shaky fingers.
Lex:Pathetic.
Yeah, Lex. I know.
I glance over at August who is just watching me warily. Yeah, I don’t blame him. I’m feeling that way about myself too. Back away people. Loser on the loose.
“I’m sorry. Can we forget I said that? I’m not thinking clearly,” I mutter and August nods.
“Okay.”
Well that makes me feel better and worse at the same time. Shit. I wanted him to say something else.Okayis not the word that I wanted to hear.Okayis a four-letter word now. It’s the worst of the worst. Schools should ban it.
“Let’s just…let’s go, yeah? I want to go.”
“Em.”
